just seperated

Hi all

Glad to have found this site been a great help over the last few weeks. Thoght i would take the opportunity to introduce myself and tell my story though never in a million years did i ever expect to be here. 10 weeks ago my husband who i have been married to for the last 22 years decided he no longer wanted to stay married to me, instead chose to carry on an affair with his secretary he had started 4 weeks earlier. To say i was devasted was an understatement. At the moment i am trying to be amicable for the sake of my teenage daughter. Husband still wants to be friends, not sure what that is all about. I have met some nice people on chat, any wiki members who live in essex feel free to message me and tell me your stories and how you coped.

bye

Welcome to Wiki

Your story is all too familiar and straying husbands often want to be friendly - because they don't want to feel guilty and like to pretend that everything is exactly the same, except that they aren't in an intimate relationship with you any more.

You need to do what feels right for you, but the less I had to do with my husband the easier it was to get over him.

He left 17 months ago to live with someone else and wanted to keep popping in for a chat. He still does want to but I am as discouraging as I can be.

Yep the staying friendly part is the guilt trip. I am sure that you are devastated and have every right to be.

It strikes me that your husband is having some sort of mid-life crisis! It's a tough call and you need to decide what happens after his 4 week fling, as I have a suspicion that he may well want to be back. I tihnk you need to determine under what terms! However, all of that talk is early in the break-up.

All I can say, is that you will go through a myriad of emotions, and that you will need support. Here and with your friends is a great place to find that.

Wishing you the very best.

N

Welcome to Wiki

At first you'll be in total shock you just cannot believe this is happening to you you'll be in pieces emotionally and will struggle to function on a daily basis. This lasted for me for about 5 to 6 weeks I lost 2 stone and was getting about 2 hours sleep if I was lucky. My wife too wanted to be "friends" even saying I was her "best friend" well you know what they say with a friend like this who needs enemies! Yes it is a guilt trip.

Being amicable with someone who has betrayed and coursed you so much pain is a tough call, but I think you can aim to be civil with them this too can be hard as you have so many unanswered questions and the anger sets in, but as Nell says having less contact with them helps.

You'll find after reading many peoples stories on here that his behavior will pretty much a standard pattern so you'll learn what to expect next.

I know the pain you are now feeling take care of yourself

Thank you startagain for your kind words. I think in time i will have to see him less and less and ultimatately not at all,well at least that is the plan. I have a teenage daughter so just trying to make things easier for her.You sound as if you are doing well yourself,stay strong

take care

jg

Welcome to Wiki Jerseygirl.

You have come to a place of great support, as lots of people will tell you you will come through this, even if right now it might appear impossible x