Glad I found this forum

Hi, I'm Dave, and I've just discovered this forum and hope to feel better when I can share my feelings with others.

My wife decided she wants to divorce me after 21 years of marriage and three teenage kids. We are currently separated but living in the same house due to financial difficulties.

We both want to be fair to each other, however in all these years I've trusted my wife and since I'm the one who has always been employed, I ended up with £20,000 debts on credit cards in my name, while my wife has £3000 in a savings account (she gets tax-free interest as she doesn't work). While I want to be fair, I can't help thinking that it would be grossly unfair if, after the divorce, I get to keep the debts (which are all in my name) while my wife gets to keep her savings (which are in her name).

Also, my parents are ill in hospital and have only 1-2 years to live. If they die before we finally divorce, will my wife get half of the inheritance so she can spend it with her new boyfriend?

Any advice appreciated

Dave,

So sorry that not only are you facing separation but have both your parents so ill as well. You will find a great deal of info/knowledge/support/experiences/tools/resources here to help. The following links may be useful whilst you await replies and are browsing around....

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...G-IN-THIS-FORUM.html

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Financ...cial-settlement.html

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...he-Marital-Home.html

E

There will be many here to offer advice but you need to start planning now because as sure as hell your wife has. It may seem all fair now, and who knows yours might be the one divorce that finishes up fair but you can't rely on that especially if there is a b/f on the scene who is pulling the strings.

Dave, your position is potentially vulnerable if you have dependent children.

Your first worry is the house. The Court's main priority will be to make sure that the children have somewhere to live while they are still dependent. Now you might agree with that, and you probably will. I think most men would agree with that. It could, however, mean that, if you have to accommodate the kids, you also have to provide for the one who is looking after them - usually, but not necessarily, the wife.

But the problem for you is what happens when the kids fly the nest, as sooner or later they will. Very often the house will be sold at this stage and the proceeds divided. But there remains a risk that the wife might be allowed to stay there indefinitely. Not knowing your circumstances, it is hard to comment.
If the house would be too large for a single person, a sale is the correct course.

Another issue is whether your wife should work. Again, I can't judge. But as a general rule, she will be expected to work to support herself.

And then there is the issue of cohabitation. The traditional approach has been that the income and resources of a new partner can be taken into consideration in that they are expected to contribute towards household expenses and thus reduce the wife's need for maintenance. Some people will tell you, and for all I know they may be right, that cohabitation for more than a given period - say 6 months - will suspend maintenance while the cohabitation lasts.


The answer, sadly,may depend on which judge you get. Some judges are now saying that it is time to lay down firm guidelines about how cohabitation is treated. There needs to be consistency of approach.

As to your debts. If they were incurred for the common weal then I think a Court would have to take this liability into account. It might be different if the spending was reckless or obviously extravagant. To give you a homely illustration, and being a pianist and organist myself, it would in principle for me to buy a modest instrument to feed my addition, but not a Steinway concert grand if all I was going to do with it was to play pub songs.

Then there's your prospective inheritance.
Courts will not look too far into the future, and won't make orders on the basis that you might get something one fine day.
Equally, they can't make an order regarding your inheritance unless you've actually had it. But I'm sorry to have to tell you that if I were acting for your wife, I'd probably want to have the proceedings adjourned for a time.

It is clear that inheritances are not beyond the reach of the Court. In many jurisdictions, they are. The Courts can deal with this in a number of ways. They can allow you to keep the inheritance but give the non-inheriting spouse a larger share in the other assets. But if the needs of the wife can't be satisfied without recourse to the inheritance, the Courts will take it, or part of it.

Now this is a long post and raises a lot of issues, which you need to think about and, if I may say so, take legal advice.
As I said, your position is vulnerable, and you need to strengthen the defences a little bit.

Good luck.

LMM

Pip and LMM speak such sense and with urgency.

I know a man whose wife wanted a divorce and was happy to go 50/50 on everything. There was a substantial amount in the pot, so by going 50/50 each would receive about £400,000. The children are 17 and 14.

Anyway, this chaps wife had a new man hovering around int he wings and she is now with him.

What she wants now out of a financial settlement is much much different only 6 months down the line.

She wants some of his pension, most of the marital home, live in it (with boyfriend and his son) and to keep it for the next four years (there is no mortgage on it).

My friend has now run up £15000 worth of sols bills and they have not even got to an FDR yet.

His wife's solicitors are dragging everything and the pain he is going through is immense.

Follow the advice given on here and get to a solicitor quick before the huge possibility of your wife bleeding you dry happens.

Jo x

Thanks everybody for your replies, they are all really useful and I will take some time to follow the web links you gave, and get some legal advice, and will come back to you when I know more. I was really impressed by how helpful you have been and how quickly you all replied.

Neither of us have started any procedings yet, as we are putting the kids' welfare first and don't want to disturb them too much. Whatever we do, we want to minimize the impact on them.