life!!!

just joined this site not quite sure what to say but here goes:was in a top marriage for 8 1/2 years moved away from my own family to be with my wife,we have to lovely children my new family was my world,i know now you should'nt put all your eggs in one basket but heck it felt so so good,i used to rush home from work to be with my wife and 2 children look forward to the weekends to spend time with them all life was great!!!!and then one night me and my wife went to the cinema had a great evening until we were traveling home something felt cold and wrong in the car i asked her was everything ok?this carried on when we got home and she finaly confessed she had a one night stand so i for some weird reason made her tell me all the horrible details i told her we could get through this and that i loved her but things got worse she went out of control,text's e:mails face book and so on........she needed space and i said ok but can we stay faithfull...she replied i may want some male company i can not put in words of how i felt at that time!!!!!!the children were devasted 6-8 months went by we tried again but she kept getting text's,calls and e:mails so she decided she wanted to be single again,we told the children was worse the second time what a mess,i've finaly started the divorce......rollercoaster is how i still feel after 16 months!every day is different does it get easier honestly?keep getting told what a top bloke i am don't feel very top at the mo!!!!thanks for listening

minty,

You are a top bloke, after such devastating betrayal you were willing to keep your family together...I am so sorry things did not work out but have great admiration for you for trying

You will find a lot of support/info/experiences/resources/tools/knowledge here...take care and good luck.

E

Hi Minty,

Welcome to Wiki - the place where none of us really want to be but all of us are glad that we've found. Believe me when I say that this place will become your lifeline over the coming months and maybe even years - it certainly was for me.

My story is quite similar to yours. It was five years ago when I first discovered that my ex was having an affair, yet we stumbled on for another three years, with me turning a blind eye to his subsequent three affairs and desperately trying to hold my family together. Finally two years ago he moved out and I started divorce proceedings, and that was the moment that I started to take back control.

The hardest years were definitely the limbo years - when I didn't know if I was coming or going. One minute my ex would tell me that he would give us another try, the next he was back in the arms of his latest other woman. I was a sobbing, gibbering wreck, desperately trying to keep him somewhere where he didn't want to be. By starting your divorce you have taken one very shakey step towards control again - good for you.

Try to keep things amicable with your wife if at all possible - it will make your divorce a hell of a lot easier in the long run. Take each day as it comes, don't be ashamed to break down, come on here for advice, a rant and endless support and hugs.

And yes, it may sound very unlikely to you at the moment, but I promise things will get better eventually. Wiki is littered with stories of people who thought they'd never be happy again slowly moving on with their lives, and it will happen to you too.

Best of luck for the future, and take very special care of yourself and your children over the coming months.

xx

Hi Minty

Welcome to Wiki and sorry this has happened to you, but you'll will get great support from the people on this site.

The "cold and wrong" feeling I know too well had this for nearly 3 months!!! At least she told you - I thought my heart was going to break out of my chest when I discovered the text message.

One of the things I have learnt is "not to put all your eggs in one basket" over the years of my marriage I sort of lost myself, with my focus being completely on the family, kids, home improvements which is OK until the marriage breaks down, you get dumped or your OH has an affair and you have by then drifted away from friends and your interests outside the home which makes you feel more isolated and lost.

"I may want some male company" My STBX gave me similar taunts (and worst) and started swearing at me which she had not done in the 20 yrs I have known her.

The pain of betrayal is harsh and makes you feel totally worthless. Good that you are getting on with the Divorce you need to focus on yourself and your children. Take one day at a time, you hear this a lot on this site, by not looking too far ahead this will avoid panic and depression. Keep civil with her as this will move things on more quickly and cost you both less money in costs as well as making things better for the kids - I know this will be hard after how you have been treated

If your wife is keen to develop a "single" life maybe go for being resident parent or 50:50 time spent with each of you. This is the case with the arrangements I've made with STBX (50:50) as she has a "pending" social life, just waiting for me to move out to activate it.

Look I think positives can come out of negatives things will get better they may even get worst before then, but they will get better. I hope to one day thank my STBX and her "friend" because I will be a happier and stronger person. In fact you have no choice in getting stronger as there is so many things must you must deal with on every level. I know its now up to me to get there as I'm responsible for my own happiness.

Take care mate I know how you feel - keep posting here let us know how you are getting on

SA

wow thanks for your support finding it hard with not seeing my children so much!!!!i'm gonna be a part time dad with no fault of my own.and lose our home so unfair sorry to go on but what was the point of going to church!!!making all them promise's?thanks again!!!!

thank u for your reply it's so good to hear that other people go through this and can be truly happy again,one question did u find it hard to trust again?worried that if and when i do meet "mrs right" that will i trust again and not blow it,thanks again for your reply