Advice Please!

Hello there

I can relate to your emotional turmoil as I was in a similar situation to and in a way still am. I was with my still husband for 11 yrs and we have a 5yr old little girl. Up until the birth of our daughter I worked F/T and the returned to work P/T. My husband was the main/biggest earner in our houselhold. He paid the mortage, insurances and for our holidays whilst I paid for the rest. Unfortunately I had not been happy in our marriage for 2yrs before I actually told him that I wanted a divorce. I kept telling myelf that I owed it to our daughter to try and make things work, all marriages are not perfect, that I didn't want to become a statistic! I was also worried about the financial side of things which everyone is worried about when considering divorce in the first instance. But then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I didn't recognise the person looking back at me. I looked tired out, had a sad expression in my eye's and you know what? I couldn't remeber the last time I actually laught, I mean really laughed (apart from with my daughter). I was snappy, irritable, moody and not happy in my head. I also was getting worried of how all this was effecting our daughter...kid's pick up everything! One day our daughter said "stop shouting at mummy" and it was at that point that I realised that I was actually allowing our daughter to be harmed by our behaviour. Did I wont our daughter to grow up thinking that this is love? That this is how marriage was? That it is accetable to speak to each other in that way? The answer is NO! I want for her to have a happy mummy and daddy who she is able to come to. So I told him to go. And you know what? I am happier now then I have been in years and our daughter see's her father when he is home as he works away alot. Plus both him and me are getting on better then we did when we were together. What I am trying to say here is....is it really worth emotionally self-harming yourself the way you are with no hope of recovery? Can you really ever gain the respect of somebody back who has clearly got none for you (resentment springs to mind)? Of course she is going to agree to let you stay...creature comforts don't come cheap! And what happens when the children leave home? Please don't think I am being rude in any way but it breaks my heart when I see people respecting themself's to a minimum...I know how that feels and the damage this causes. My husband earns a very very good wage and we own 50% of our big home too but I am happy to sell it all and build a happy secure home for our daughter and me (yes..I have agreed to selling the family home), a fresh new start.