feeling so lonely

hi everyone, I am new on here. I am 47 and I was married for 28 years when my husband told me he was no longer in love with me and he had feelings for a woman he worked with.That was in September(the week before our daughters wedding). He left me to live with her but soon realised he had made a huge mistake and we reconciled in November.I was unable to trust him and although we tried counselling and considered moving away to get away from painful memories,I attempted suicide and was so unhappy that we have parted again.He is back with the other woman and I am on my own with my memories.Does it ever get better? I am so miserable. I have three grown up children with lives of their own.They are marvellous but at the end of the day I am here all alone.Not sure how much more I can take. Seen my solicitor about a divorce but I am not really sure that is what I want

hi ,I have been there,it does get easier as time goes on.Trust me,in the long run you are better off.It is difficult to erase memories ,consider yourself luck all your children are grown up some people have to go through this and still having to worry about finance and child care.You are still young to be able to rebuild your life.This site is very helpful and you will always find company here when you are lonely.It is not worth ending your life while he is about there enjoying himself.Initially the sheer determination not to let him get the better of me kept me going and now I think it is the best thing that could have happened to me.we were together for 14 yrs ,he moved out in november.
take care

Gilly_p

Welcome to Wikivorce, home of the emotionally ruined! What you will find here are 11,700 other people, who are also going through a pretty miserable phase of their lives.

We marry thinking it is for life and many are lucky that it does mean that. However, sometimes it doesn't. It isn't necessarily about us as individuals, nor becessarily our former spouses, but a whole combination of events and circumstances, feelings and misunderstandings that can bring us to this point.

It is pretty miserable too. We have each invested everything in our relationships with our former spouses, to find that it was a bad investment after all.

But it doesn't end here. This is a transition. A transition to a different life. For some, it is clear cut and they are ready to take the necessary steps to divorce and move on. But not all.

It takes different people a different amount of time to adjust to the changes that life has forced upon them. A new life has to be thought about.

It is like having a large blank canvas, and some paint. We can slap it on any old how, or we can take stock and plan what our picture might look like.

At 47, you are a year older than me, and therefore by definition, wiser

I am 14 months on from being told I was no longer required by my wife. I have ideas about how my life will be, but I have only done the pencil sketch so far. Still rubbing bits out and choosing colours. I have no desire to get into another relationship right now, but have got ideas about what I would like to do. Things I forgot about years ago.

When we have been with someone so long, we lose a bit of ourselves in that partnership. For now, it is about finding those bits we shelved in the marriage - ambition, hope, desire, curiosity, fun, laughter - in order to be the complete person we once were. Only when we know ourselves again can we move on to live the life we want to live.

Part of that voyage of self discovery is grieving for the relationship that we have lost. It is like a bereavement. We need to mourn it's passing.

With its passing comes a new life - new challenges, new opportunities, new interests. There is a whole world out there to re-discover.

Gilly, there are a lot of people here just like you. People who have been where you are now, and moved on. Ask for their help, they would be delighted to help you.

Take care of yourself - there is a new life.

Mike

hi gilly you are in the same boat as me although my husband of 24 years told me he didnt love me anymore and there wasnt anybody else. i know exactly what u are going through. today he has been to see me as funnily enough we are still friends and said he still has feelings for me! and doesnt no wots going on in his head! he says he doesnt want to come back yet so am i being stupid for waiting to see what he does want. ive been to hell and back lately and i dont want this seperation / divorce thing. this site has helped me enormously as there are some brillant people on here and in the chat room that are only to willing to help and give advice to you.
so join in and see that you are not alone although it feels like you are
take care and look forward to chatting to you soon