what is best to stay or leave

Hi all
I have just found this site and would like some advice I feel my wife is seeing someone else, is it better to find out or just move on, she will not admit it but so many signs
make it difficult to ignor.
she has just ask me for a divorce and says I do not show her enough attention, having 3 children and a very full time job has been hard, she feels it would be better for her if I move out and have the kids on a weekend.
I am not sure if this would cause any legal president.

Why would you go? Do you love her, will she go to relate with you ?
Try all you can to keep your marriage together but if that isn't possible then talk and try and end it in the best way possible for the whole family.
Take your time and keep posting you will get lots of help and support on this site.

Lostinemotion,
Welcome to Wikivorce. It is difficult to go through marriage and parenthood with all the surrounding pressures and still keep the marriage fresh and exciting for both spouses. Sometimes, relationships reach a decision point and the issues can be resolved, sometimes not.

The overriding principle is the willingness of both parties to find a compromise that both parties are comfortable with.

Maybe it is not too late, but both of you need to look long and hard at how you have both got to this point.

If there is a chance of recovering your marriage, I would say go for it, with all guns blazing. The alternative is often not so good.

Have you tried marriage guidance? Through someone like Relate?

Perhaps your wife's issues are not fully understood by you, and likewise, your issues are not fully understood by her?

If you have three children, then I think it is certainly worth trying to get to the bottom of things. before taking such a drastic step.

If you don't try, you will never know. Equally, thing may have gone beyond recovery. But never say never.

Best of luck in whatever you decide. But divorce is better avoided, if it is possible.

Mike

it is difficult to consider staying when your life is upside down and if I don’t leave my wife will, I do not want to see my children go through moving away from the only home they have known and love.

the house is in my name only and if my wife moved out I would have to support her fully the rented house would need to be large enough to support 3 children and my youngest is handicap and needs continuous support although she is 4years old
I am currenty sleeping on the couch and unable to talk to her as I am sure she is seeing someone while the kids are at school and I am at work

Lostinemotion,
I does sound like you both have reached that decision point in your marriage. I think you are right that it is better to minimise the disruption to the children's lives. At the end of the day, they are innocent in all of this mess.

But equally, you need to think about where you will live, how much it will cost, how you will accommodate the children coming to stay at weekends etc.

This is where a counseling service like Relate can help you to both see the practical and emotional issues that have to be dealt with, whether you separate and subsequently do divorce, or try to resolve your differences.

Perhaps if you wrote a letter to your wife, without emotion or accusation, suggesting that you both attend counseling to see the best and most practical way forward, whether separated or together.

That way, she can see you are taking things seriously and she can see that you are taking the best interests of the family to heart.

It is a very tense time, and I am sure that you are locked in a cycle of trying to make sense of it all.

Best of luck

Mike

Hi there, this sound very similar to my situation, my wife can not tell me what she wants or what she needs but says I have to find out myself?? She has always been going to see a councilor with her problems but won't share them. (relate didn't work as she told them that they just agree with me and don't see her side) She has now changed and wants her pound of flesh and more but still gives no reason. If you think you can still make a go of it, try it but sometimes you just get to a point where everyone is hurting and you just need to move on how ever hard that is going to be. Chatting to people on he does help and some have very good advise to be given to others, they also keep you smiling deep down. Good luck in which ever direction you take

HI
I have been in a similar dilemma and unfortunately I found out she was having an affair.Hopefully yours will be different.
The best advise I could give you is seek legal advise asap.
I was told do not leave the marital home under any circumstances however I only have one.

Good luck