new in town

I am just starting down this path and very hurt and confused.
I have been a great very hands on father to 4 kids over last 10 years. I have also worked very hard so that we are now financially very well off. I recently stopped.
My wife has been down for a long long time - on anti-depressants and with food issues. Slowly over the last 6 months she has picked herself up, doing lots (excessive) of exercise - something she has always done, but now in a more social environment. Now she tells me she has met someone
and is going to have an affair!
Its is agony living with her knowing this is there - she is seeing him during the day and endlessly txting etc.
She blames me alot for her past problems but I have always tried to be so there for her. Now she is so up and will do whatever to cling on to it - understandable given how long she was down for. I however have gone the other way, first as she slowly cut me out of her life and then now with the news.
Whatever happens I dont think I could bare not to see my kids on a daily or very frequent basis. I dont see why I should not go for primary care, as I have basically been the primary carer over the years. Why should she have it when she hasnt been able to cope with them and if she did have them she would farm them out to a nanny?

Any info on fathers getting primary care appreciated.
Thx

Hi JDepp,
Google 'Mid Life Crisis' and read what you can, it sounds like me your wife is having a MLC.

Keep chatting.

Gazza

This is very sad and must be hell for you. Your wife doesnt sound like she has been in this new 'situation' for too long and from what you say it doesnt sound like a rational choice but then again not much on here sounds like that! I am assuming yr 4 children are under 10 - there is so much to consider that its hard to advise on who should get the kids - what does she say at this stage? Sometimes you have to just stand still for a bit so you can see whats going on. I know this is going to be a very tough time - you can use this site as a real source of advice and support or just to listen. Rasher

Hi

Just to make you feel a litte optomistic my partner is the primary carer of his 2 kids.

Like you he basically brought them up single handed she never even changed a nappy.

The kids made the decision they wanted to be with their dad. His ex had an affair and started demanding the house and the kids purely as a financial motive as she was well aware she would get a greater share of the assets.

She left in the end and lives the life she wanted i.e a single life.

I met my partner 18 months ago and we all live together my 2 kids and his 2 and are very happy thanks very much.

I understand your wife is not like this and she seems to have had a lot of problems to overcome. I just think its wrong - even as a mother - to presume that the mother is necessarily the right one to bring up the children. Plenty of dads do a fantastic job and parents are like people theres good and not so good regardless of sex.

Best of luck