Hello, have just joined

Hi, stumbled accross this site and wish I'd found it a while back, I've been divorced a year now.
So this is my story -
Met my husband when I was 20 and a student nurse, he was 24, got engaged after 5 months, then married a year later, 2 children followed, we seemed happy enough, but I'd always felt he had problems socially, and made us quite isolated over the years, not talking to friends or family much himself. Then 6 years ago I was ill with cancer, had chemo for a year, following a stem cell transplant I recovered, his mother died from a similar cancer when he was about 20 - he used to get very upset about all that. With hinsight it felt like he was going through the motions when I was ill, I still had to do most of the childcare. He works as a policeman, I supported him through joining, courses and his working shifts, on getting better myself the chance at work came for me to progress, which I did, then we had been talking about moving for a very long time, finally moved to a huge 6 bed house from a tiny cottage, 2 of his colleagues helped us move. Gradually over the first few months in the new house he spoke to the children and I less and less, to the extent that on days on the beach he would sit and read ignoring us. Had a few days away with the children -he didn't come saying he couldn't get leave to him saying he felt depressed and worthless, I was as suportive as I could be, was interviewed for a new job, got it and he walked out, without even leaving a note the next day, when I saw him he denied anyone else, but of course I was suspicious, then people saw him with the girl - his colleague who helped us move house - she is 20 years younger than him, just 8 yrs older than our eldest child, I rang her she denied it, they now live together, he sees our children once a week after school for 4hrs- if they're lucky, putting a dvd on. He hasn't seen our eldest for 3 months because he told him how neglected they feel at her expense, and exactly what he thinks of him as a father. Its the total abandonment of our children I find difficult, I work full time as a result of the huge mortgage and what I had to pay him for what he chose to do to us as a family, has had them for 4 weekends in 18months, never a holiday.
Friends tell me the wheel turns, and that he will suffer as a result of all this one day, its horrible to have been so ill, then to have him dump us so easily as a family with absolutely no remorse, I'm finding it difficult to move on from it all, having thought my life was fairly perfect...

Hi Daisy,

Welcome to the wiki family where hopefully you will find plenty of support and advice.

Sorry to hear of your troubles over the last few years.

I like you have an x2b who seems to prefer spending time with his new partner than he does his children.

Mine sees his 5 young children for around 12 hours a month. I am the one who gets the questions, when are we seeing daddy? Why not this week? etc etc. He is not a good father but at the end of the day he is the only one they have and they want a relationship with him.

Sadly my eldest 2 children have already started choosing to do other activities even when they fall on a contact session because they feel he wants to be in such a small part of their lives.

Through all of this it has been the way he has treated his children which has been emotionally hard to take. I do not work and am struggling financially, whilst he and his g/f earn around £60k between them.

You have to just get on with life and just know that you love your children enough for the both of you and it will be his loss years down the line when he has missed most of their growing up.

Come and join us in the chatroom some time.

Regards, Sarah

Hi there
I couldn't help but reply to you as most of the things you have been through could apply to me and my ex. He was exactly the same about us moving to a large house and then three months in he dropped the bombshell - moved out and I am now saddled with a big mortgage having supported his work and hobbies (mainly spending money on himself !) and left to bring up our son while he swans off with the other woman.

She apparently is not the reason for 17 years of marriage down the pan, but he has been unhappy and depressed for all that time !! He now sees my son and indulges him excessively and has given him an allowance of £100 per month, while I have had to pay all the bills as my ex is paying off huge debts. I am absolutely astounded how someone I thought I knew could become so cold and uncaring so quickly. He was texting the other woman while he was with me at Christmas - I was ill with flu and he told me he couldnt make a decision about what to do as he was in turmoil. Give me a break please - he was merely with me because she was with her now ex partner and children.

How on earth can I ever trust again and feel loved ?

Hi everyone

What makes people act this way? From reading other posts it is not just men who seem to walk away without a care.
Do they try to block out their emotions and the only way they can deal with this is to not see their children? I just wish I knew.
My x2b has only seen his daughter for 4 hours, once, in the last 10 weeks. But my son refuses to have anything to do with his dad as he has been constantly let down.
My x2b suffered from depression 8 years ago and I think he is again now - although he denies it. I was also of the opinion that we were happily married.
This all leaves you thinking you will never trust anyone again. I just hope this isn't the case for us all!!
But just maybe what goes around comes around and then justice will be done!