Scared and don't know what to do for best

Hi I'm new to this site and was so pleased to find it, reading some of your messages has really made me realise that my situation isn't as bad as some of you, and if you can make it through so can I.

Basically my situation is (and I'll try to keep it as short as possible) that my husband and I have been married for eleven and a half years, together for fourteen and a half, we have no children but we have always had the most amazingly close and loving relationship until he started a new job. He was in the Navy but is now on a cruise ship. Last year he was away for a total of eight months, this year three months (saying that he had been offered extra work and had agreed to take it, without consulting me). I trusted him so I went along with it until he joined a new ship and made no contact with me at all for the first month. I know it was wrong of me but I went into his emails to check that he'd received my emails, which he had, but I noticed an email from another woman, someone he worked with, telling her that he'd "regret for the rest of his life not telling her his true feelings" and that "it wasn't just her looks that he fell for". Well you can imagine how devastated I was and when I emailed him he denyed everything, then attacked me as if me reading his emails was in some way worst than his inappropriately intimate relationship with another woman. I don't care if they had sex or not, he wanted to and that's enough to distroy any trust I had.

To cut a very long story short he stopped all contact with me for two months then I had an email saying that he felt "very distant from me". He came home two weeks ago and when I asked him if he loved me he said that he "loved me lots but not in 'that' way" and when I pressed him he got really mad and told me not to pressure him. I know I sound weak for not going mad at him or kicking him out but this is my second marriage and my first was abusive so I find confrontation very hard.

The last week has been surreal as he is just carrying on as if nothing has happened, minus kisses and cuddles of course. This has given me time to think though and I guess I've more of less decided that I no longer want to be married to someone who has turned into a lying, cheating bully.

My only problem now is telling him, he earns a really good wage, where as I (after mutual agreement) gave up a good job to go part-time (he didn't want me to work)earning a quarter of his earnings and not enough to pay rent and bills (one of the other only), and I don't want him to turn nasty and leave me high and dry. We do, however, have a house with enough equity to purchase outright a much smaller house which I would be really happy with, I've just got to hope that he'll do the right thing otherwise I'm homeless. I'll obviously go out and get a better job so that I could support myself but at this moment in time I'm in such a mess I don't think I could cope with interviews.

Well that felt really good, it's true what they say about a problem shared, thank you for taking the time to read this, you're very kind and I hope that things go well for you.

x

hi ,i think the hardest thing is deciding which way to go,once you are sure you should just go for it.It is not going to be easy but things will fall into place.Like you said your situation is very light compare to others,not having children does make it easy.
Wishing you the best

Morning madpoodle - your pain is evident and so will the confusion be. There are ways and means to handling this calmly and taking your time right now to make no decisions is the best bet. I take it your husband will be going back offshore in the foreseeable - when he is gone, it will give you the space to do some thinking, planning, and investigating into what can and can't be achieved.

Be strong in yourself, even though you feel like you're weak - you have already shown that you have courage. You have got to the time when the lessons previously learned do not need to be repeated - that's great, well done!

I'll send you a pm too. Just because you don't have children doesn't mean that you can't feel sh*tty - and this is as bad as it can get for you because you. Everyone has a different divorce and comparisons aren't helpful - but like hospital and the golf course, it's a great leveller - there's always someone better and worse off than you.

Take care
Jackie