where do i start?

hi, here goes been married 24 years,daughters both over 21, one still at home. My wife has had an alchohol problem for most of our marraige she becomes aggresive and abusive and this has steadily got worse over the past few years with incidents involving, violence, abusive behaviour towards me and others and the police have been called on many occasions. Myself family and friends have tried to help her overcome this problem to no avail. She has just lost yet another job and went out last night only to return this morning saying she had been with someone else.Should have done this ages ago.

Now at the end of my tether, want a divorce but afraid i will be let down by the courts etc. I work full time make about £28000 but work lots of overtime, she only works about 3 months a year and dos'nt contribute anything towards bills etc, though she used to. Have house worth 155000 owe 61000 a car and works pension also private pension frozen, no savings and lots of debt, need to find a solution to suit both of us,even if she dos'nt deserve it

Hi Caverton

Welcome to Wiki - the site is agreat source of help, advice, support and friendship.

I understand what it is like to live with an alcoholic - my x2b is a full-blown alcoholic. It can be very hard, if not impossible to reason with someone who has a serious drink problem, and if they wont admit they have a problem then there is nothing that anyone can do to help them. they themselves need to take that first all-important step of asking for help.

No-one should have to live in a home where they are in fear of their personal safety, and as alcoholics have unpredicatble moods, to say the least, it is like trying to walk around them on eggshells, and makes life very difficult and tense.
I have included some links to websites that you may find of some use to you.

As regards to her staying out all night and saying she has been with someone else, Im sorry that you were told that. It may be the truth, or she may be trying to play mind games with you - testing your loyalty to her, if you like. Who really knows what goes on in a drink-addled mind?

As to what the financial settlement is likely to be, Im sorry but that is outwith my knowledge, but I am sure that others who do know will post in response to your questions and give you the advice you seek. You could try using the wiki-calculator to give you an idication of what the outcome might be.

Deciding to divorce is a huge descion to make, and I know that this is one that you will not have taken lightly, but spent a long time agonising over. You are amongst friends here, we have all gone through or are going through the emotional and painful journey that divorce is. Come into the chatroom, you will be made very welcome, hope to see you there.

Take Care

Ruby

www.mensadviceline.org.uk/

www.mensaid.com/domestic_abuse/

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/alanon/index.asp

caverton
I appreciate how hard it was for you to reach this final decision,I can imagine you've spent a long long time agonizing on what to do and when.I'm sure you've tried so hard to cope but have now reached the point where you can take no more.
That decision was the hardest one you've probably ever made,and it took guts to finally make it.it's a positive step towards getting your life back.