I've been looking for advice on the whole divorce area and hopefully I've found the right place.
I'll give you the story so far. It's really long for a first post, but I hope you'll continue reading.
I've been married for two years. We lived together for two years prior, originally intending to be just friends when we moved to a new city and just support each other but ended up in a relationship and fairly quickly engaged. I was 22 at the time, not long out of a fairly traumatic overseas relationship, and having difficulties with university, work, etc.
Getting engaged and married seemed to be the next step in life, and who better than to the person I was with at the time. We both didn't want kids, and although we had almost nothing in common, we got on well. I honestly can't say that there was ever any attraction involved but at the time, I didn't think that was important.
She had some friends in the city that I became friendly with too. One of these friends had a girlfriend who came from overseas to start her life here, and they ended up together in a similar fashion. I quickly realised that I was attracted to this girl - we had a lot in common, we connected in ways I've never experienced before, but we wanted different things out of life at that time (she wanted children). We became somewhat involved but I ended it because I felt guilty that I wasn't being faithful to the person I had agreed to spend the rest of my life with.
My partner found out and was understandably devastated. We worked through it, but there was always trust issues, as I would expect. I pushed this girl away, because every time I got back in touch with her, the same conflicting feelings came flooding back.
So my partner and I got married - she wanted a quiet wedding, no family and very few friends (she had her reasons, I went along with it but was not at all happy with it - I wasn't "allowed" to tell my parents until the day of the wedding). After that point, I spent less time socialising and more time at home, waiting for my wife to come home from work, as she worked longer hours than I.
I would frequently talk to my wife about her working hours, that I wanted her to come home and spend time with me. The only time we spent together was at weekends, when she would sleep for much longer than I. I got so used to being on my own that about a year ago, I stopped asking her to come home early and just accepted it.
In January, I got a new job and became much happier. I started to develop a social life again, and found myself increasingly eager to spend even less time with my wife. At no point did I do anything that would be considered cheating. Around the same time, I realised that I was much happier when I was on my own than when I was with my wife. I was also completely confused to realise seemingly overnight that I now want children, and everything I wanted in life before had changed entirely.
I started to see the girl again. We went out one night and drank far too much. We talked about things that could become. The following day, her partner asked her to marry him, and, being the next step in life, she said yes.
Ever since then, her and I have spent more and more time together. We kissed, have been on many dates, and this weekend just past we spent a night in a hotel and, well, committed adultery, the first sex I'd had in about six months, and was possibly the most important night of my life emotionally so far.
During all this time, my wife and I had talked about splitting up. We discussed everything that was a problem, she started to blame herself for working so late, and I wouldn't let her do that. She hasn't changed, I have. On top of that, I'm now cheating on her and (this is the part where you hate me), it doesn't feel wrong.
I have not told her about the other girl (as far as she knows, I've not seen her in years, but knows I talk to her frequently), but to be honest, I'm really surprised she's not found out. I'm not making this about something else as I know that, in retrospect, I've never been truly happy with my partner and a lot of changes all at once has made me realise that.
The other girl is ending her engagement as she is similarly unhappy, and we've been making plans to rent a place in the next few months, initially as friends while we recover, but it's pretty certain where it'll lead. I made a mistake pushing her away four years ago and should have ended things with my partner back then.
Wow, that's a lot of backstory. Sorry about that.
I've been weighing up the divorce options and have done some research. I'll be moving out soon. My wife is extremely understanding and is willing to divorce amicably at this point. Were she to find out about the other girl, she would be angry, sure, but I don't think she's the type of person to hold a grudge. However, as much as it will destroy her to find out, it may make the separation process somewhat easier. (She'll find out anyway when/if we move in together) After all, I have cheated. I've broken promises. I have been a terrible husband, but my heart has not been in this marriage and I'm ready to end it. I'm also ready to take full responsibility.
I was wondering if anyone who is still reading could give me some advice on what I should do next, both in legal regards and relationship-wise.
And, please don't hate me already. Other than the misguided rushing-into-marriage thing, I consider myself to be a good person who made one or two mistakes.
