help

Hi Im new to this and feel lost Im 37 years old and looks like Im losing my marriage. Mu husband is violent and in denial and its never going to get better. I need help and advice and dont know where to start

first port of call .


www.womensaid.org.uk/

DO
Issue an ultimatium at the first attack, if it happenes again, you must leave.

Help your partner to have therapy or do an anger management programme.

Leave if the violence recurs, only go back after your partner has been successful in therapy and has been violnet free for a signifcant period.

DON'T
Decide to stay or go on what he says, it's what he does that matters.

Judge your man on how sorry he is.Many violent partners repentant , after they have been violent.

Feel you're being cruel by setting an ultimatium.

Assume you can move on at once.You may need counselling to get over the violence and able to love again.

Its been going on for 2 years, but emotionallly for 12 years. He admitted he had a problem and told me he would get help. He says he sees a red mist. and looses it. It scares me im only 8 1/2 stone hes 14 stone and very strong. He has spend his time gossiping on dating websites and buying contact lenses instead of sorting himself out. I want to go to uni at study mental health nursing. He said if I go back I have to give that up sell my car and be a proper housewife. Ive looked after him for 14 years, cooking cleaning ironing etc and feel its unfair. He never came with me for fertility appoitnments I had to go on my own and the gyno refused to see me by myself so he stopped treatment. I feel used and drained and need to pick myself up but have bad days like today

In your area there will be out reach workers you can get their number via the womans aid, speak to someone and get support also ask if they are doing the freedom programme.you are taking the first important step you now know what he is doing is wrong.Alot of violent partners talk about this red mist desending and they lose it , sorry to say it's a load of rubbish other wise they would hit the man down the street or the man in the pub.there is never any excuse for violence and that goes for both male and female.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

hi,
I have read all the advice above.I will not give him an ultimatum unless you are prepared either way.If someone mekes you feel like this why would you want to stay with him.I know it is easier said than done .I have been there.There will be a change in him for awhile but I can assure you it will not last.You tell him what you are doing and get on with it.If he is not happy it is just too bad because there is nothing worng wanting to better yourself ,it is to be commended.Stopping doing this course is another way of keeping you under his thumb.If ,the big if ,i knen what I know now I would not be in this position.You always hope things will get better but it really does and we live to regret it.
all the best