Hello - advice needed please

Hi, my name is Carole and I live in the North West (UK), and am 45 with one son (14).

I wondered if anyone can give me any advice, I have been divorced in the past and have a son (14) from that relationship.

I am been married for 8 years and through job circumstances I find myself living up here. I am very happy living here, have a clerical job (so not huge income) and son is settled at school.

The problem is my husbands unreasonable behaviour, not violent but verbally abusive, especially after drinking wine, which he does every night, although not abusive every night.

I could go on but wont bore you now, the long and short of it is that I have threatened many times to leave, but basically I feel that I am stuck living with him, purely from a financial basis. Should I leave him and move out, then I have the problem of renting costs. I just dont know how I can leave, but on the other hand I am mid 40's and feel that I am wasting my life staying with him, plus why should I have to put up with the way he speaks to me.

I personally feel that a lot of the problem is down to alcohol. I have tried to discuss this with him but he will not talk about it or accept that the drinks makes his agressive. I am not saying either that I am perfect, but I dont feel that I deserve this and really cannot put up with it for much longer.

Would be interested to hear from anyone else who might be or have been in a similar position.

Many thanks - Carole

Hi Carole, Welcome.
Have you tried relate or other such outlet? They are not just there for break ups but can help as they provide a level playing field for both parties? If he doesn't want to change or can not then you will need to make up your own mind to where you want to go with the relationship, the road may then be clearer in your own mind to what you want to do.
I hope you find what you want and you will find lots of help on here.
Gareth

Hi Gareth

Many thanks for your prompt reply. Unfortunately he wouldnt go anywhere or speak to anyone, he doesnt think that he is unreasonable, and at times he isnt, but in all honesty I have put up with this situation really ever since I knew him, and I would like to leave him just not quite sure where to start. When I divorced before I took the easy option and went back to live with my mother, but its a different senario now with me living here away from family, I feel that it wouldnt be fair to move my son away from school again.

I could kick myself for not having the get up and go to move on, but now I am older I suppose I am scared of a new start, whereas in the past it has never bothered me.

I dont let his behaviour affect me to the outside world, people would think that my life was good, as I am cheerful, but I spend many hours at night upstairs alone on my pc just wishing I could get out of this situation.
Thanks again. Carole