what a mess

Hi, im new to website still learning the ropes. Just before xmas I found out my husband was having an affair with a girl 28 years younger than me who i used to work with she was not a friend just a work colleagued although she would try and latch on to me when she moved into a flat with her newborn baby close by our house. She obviously latched on to my husband though as I discovered them having an affair and the s%%^&&t naturally hit the fan. I took him back as it was just before xmas and at first could not see the point in throwing 16 years down the drain because of her looking for a meal ticket and I have 2 kids to think of. Went away xmas had nice enough time he did not want to come at first but made him. In January I caught him out again with her he made out going out with mates to the dogs and in fact went to meet her in a pub he said because she was pregnant (later had miscarriage) probably a load of lies threw him out again he spent most of his time away from home texting children telling them he was sleeping in his van, round his brothers etc and that he was not with her (lies) kids felt sorry for him gave me a hard time and I let him come back. Thought things were going ok until mother's day when she started texting me telling me that he was in touch with her again he cant stay away and I text her back made out to be friendly said I did'nt care as he was not with me anyway (he was, I just wanted to find out what the score was) it was so bazaar we kinda formed this friendship I even went round for a coffee (dont know how kept my hands off her but I did) she showed me text messages from him from that week she was clearly telling me the truth and obviously I have kicked him out again and have now started divorce proceedings. He has turned really evil, stopped paying all the bills, not seeing or bothering with the children, wont answer their calls etc and I am just so angry, tired, emotionally drained with it all that i cant think straight anymore. Not even sure Im doing the right thing divorcing him now as after being on here a couple of days the women with the children seem to have such a huge struggle with no help whilst their husbands and new partners are having the high life. It seems so unfair why should I suffer, go without be financially in trouble with the responsibility of two children whilst they live the high life.

Anyway that's my story depressing in black and white cant really believe this has happened to us we never really even argued now he has turned into Jekyll and Hide I dont recognise him anymore he is such a liar. New partner told me he only married me on rebound from his former partner anyway.....Great makes me feel 10 times worse why did she have to tell me

Dear Lifesabitch

Lifesabitch yes sometimes but it wont be for always. My H left some 11 mths ago after having an affair with some woman at work, they have set up flat together I believe although coward has never told us such. Yes and just like you I have the responsibility og two children, wouldnt have it any other way. Would you? You have to keep reminding yourself that. And yes they will be living it up - this is the bit I just cant get my head around it makes me so angry, I have now come to the conclusion that this is the way of the world, because we have babies and love our kids and wouldnt want anything else thats the way it goes, unfair though it may seem.

You have a lot to go through, sorting the bills out seeing a solicitor and a lot of stages to go through. Discussing them here will help and other people will reassure you that they are normal.

The other thing for his new partner to say that he only married you on the rebound is rubbish, did you drag him down the aisle?? If he has said that to her its his jusification for doing what he has done because they have to justify it. It could have been he was bored and tempted and that to him will not be a good enough reason. But for her to tell you tells a few things, she is not very nice, she is jealous and insecure. Great basis for a relationship - keep that thought in your head.

Chin up show him you can cope just fine!!!

Whatnow