want to leave but .....

Hello everyone,

Another newbie here. I've been married nearly 8 years but I'm pretty much at the end of my tether, however its my 2 sons that keep me here(6&4).

We have discussed separating, he's made it quite clear that he will make life difficult and won't give me maintenance but would contribute towards the boys.

Is he allowed not to? I work 24 hrs p/w (within school hours and through their hols - virtually on minimum wage) and will possibly be able to go full time but don't know yet. I'm trying to rebuild a career as I originally gave up to become a full time carer for our terminally ill daughter. Went on to have the boys but have only just this year felt ready to return to work now that the youngest has started full time school.)

Its the finances that worry me more than anything. I watched how he treated his exwife and know what I'm in for!

My second query is that I put £120k deposit down when we bought our first home together, he was newly divorced and had nothing. Will that have to be split 50/50 or can I reclaim it in any way? Just wish love hadn't been so blind!!

Thanks for reading.

Hi moose...i have 2 kids aswell..i,m not gonna lie it wont be easy but u will feel happier in more ways...i ran away from my x with £5 in my pocket..i had nothing and get nothing from him..not a penny...today i have own home,nice car and own buissnes..so i guess it depends on how much u want it...
Tc Lizann x

Hi moose ,once you have made up your mind ,you should get on with it ,otherwise you will leave to regret it.The finance will be sorted out one way or another,Like happy has porved you can make it on your own,struggle at first ,but the peace of mind will be worth it.Well done happy,others should be able to take hope from yoursuccess

Thank you both for your replies - I do understand what you are saying but would also appreciate any comments on maintenance and whether I'd lose the deposit as that will affect how and when I walk.

I wish it were a cut and dried case - but I don't hate the guy, we just need different things, we both have a ton of baggage and I need to tread carefully. I'm just trying to find the lay of the land first.

Thanks for reading.

Hi Moose,

Sorry I can not help you with the Financial stuff, as I haven't got to that stage myself yet. However, it obviously does need careful thought. Have you tried the Divorce Calculator on this website? It might help a bit. But it told me that I should have to pay maintenance to my s2bx - no no no not doing that!

I am pleased to hear someone say that they do not hate their ex. I do not hate my s2bx, but I think he'd find it easier if I did hate him. A friend has told me that she's concerned that we're not doing the right thing by getting divorced simply because I don't hate him! It's just not black & white.

However, I think you need to put finances and kids aside, and decide if you would still want to be with your ex despite these complications.

Good luck.