help... 2 babies, shared parenting? Financials?

Dee,

I know it is hard - but do your best to ignore his threats. He is talking out of his a***e.

Do take advantage of a free half hour - possibly with the wiki lawyers. That will set your mind at rest and give you strength.

The fact that he has paid nothing - when for 2 children 20% of his salary shd be coming to you - will work to your advantage.

There are ways to sort out paying him off that do not necessarily involve you paying him any cash now ... you could arrange a charge on the house. I had a friend who did this - split when child was and has an 80:20 mesher in her favour to come into effect when the child is 18 - unless she can buy him out sooner.

It sounds like you are a hardworking and responsible person who has done well to be in as secure a position as you are now. It won't be easy with two little ones but look at it this way - he may walk away with a few quid, maybe enough to blow on a car but you will have so much more ... and I don't mean financially.

I would thank your lucky stars that you got out now rather than waiting another few years when he really would have been entitled to a lot more of your hard earned money.

Hadenoughnow

Hi Dee

yes they sound very similar, my sisters ex also refused to pay maintenance but it was eventually sorted out by csa and they now take it straight from his wages. Her maintenance was backdated and even though your x2b has other child surely they should base this claim on the children he has with you as a separate issue - keep with it.

If your children are different sex then a 3 bed house would be essential, but like I said my sister has one child and has stayed in 3 bed house so one is surplus. To be honest when she found out how much she could raise to buy him out she offered the 20k and he took it because he was more interested in the hard cash, she then got a 'Clean Break' divorce so that he couldn't come back at a later date for more.

In fact she could have afforded a bit more than 20k but offered this and he went for it, obviously the 'car' was beckoning.

You need to see a solicitor to get advise on what your options are, you have to think of yours and your childrens future - take one step at a time.

And take care

Sal x

To clarify the position with the CSA, the reason it is taking time is that now we are looking at 3 children therefore 25% nett of income but shared between to PWC's.

So, busybungle's share would be 2/3rds of 25% of nett income. This has an effect on current CSA claim of other PWC as she would currently be getting 15% of his nett income after deducting 20% of his nett income for busy's 2 children.

So, he is having to be re-assessed and the other PWC advised of the change in circumstances.

One thing I would say is that you need to keep on to the CSA as out of sight out of mind as far as they are concerned. I still think that from the date you asked for the CSA to get involved the claim should be back dated to then. They should have advised the other PWC of the change in circumstance from the outset.

As for the subject of 50/50 care, I would not be unduly worried as like you say, he is already saying he doesn't want the baby overnight.

My ex-husband only has my children for approx. 12 hours a month and has no overnight contact, not even with my older children. He has not asked and I have said in the "statement of Arrangements for children" that he is not currently going to get overnight contact either.

My story is slightly different though, as there are issues of Domestic Abuse and alcohol abuse etc. That said, I would not let him have overnight contact with my 1 and 3 yo and would think twice before allowing him to have my 5 yo. My ex-husband had little to do with the children when we were married so why would he change now?

I think you should take advantage of that FREE half hour session with a wiki solicitor and that way you can feel a bit easier about what he may be entitled to.

As for someone saying that you need a 3 bed house, (yes you deserve one, as you have worked hard for your house) but if we were talking in housing benefit terms, or council houses you would only be entitled to a 2 bedroom house as both your children are under 10 years old. (This is more for clarification than directed at your personal circumstance).

Take care and do make time to come in for a chat sometime.

xx Sarah xx