help... 2 babies, shared parenting? Financials?

Hi,
I don't know if there is anyone out there who wants to give me advice?
In process of divorce and my ex is demanding joint residence of our 2 kids. 1 is 2yrs, 1 is 7mths old(breastfed).
He left us 5mths ago, and has paid no child maintenance at all.
He currently has them every other weeked, but not at where he lives (mates hse).
The house/mortgage is all in my name and bought before we got together but he seems to think that he is entitled to half of everything ? If this is so, does it mean that I have to sell the house to pay him off??
Unususal situation in that evrything was mine and he came into the marriage with literally nothing but debts. (2 year marriage)
He says he wants joint residence so that he can get house off the council...
If it goes to court, what might be the outcome?

I think i've been so stupid and that he was really only after my money all along.

Thnks x

Busy,

What a stressful situation.

He most certainly is NOT entitled to half of everything. The usual rule in a short marriage (did you cohabit b4?)is that each partner takes out what they put in. At most he would have a share of, say, the increase in the property value since you were together.

Sounds like you are ending this marriage with a lot more responsibility than you started it with . The needs of the children will be put first - not what he wants. And he will have to pay child maintenance whether he likes it or not. It is 15% of income for one child 20% for 2.I assume he is working?

Not sure about the residency thing - but I would have thought the little and often rule would apply with such young children ... and you should not have to change the way you are feeding your baby to fit round him. There will be others on here who can tell you more.

I would have thought his chances of getting a council house are pretty much nil - there is a priority list and he does not seem to be a priority case.

It sounds to me like you need some good legal advice asap to put your mind at rest. You can now get a free half hour from the Wiki Legal Eagles - see home page. I would start there if I was you.

Do come back and ask more questions if you need to - and if you want to talk to someone, come into chat when the little ones are in bed.

best wishes

Hadenoughnow

Hi busybungle,

Welcome to wiki. I know what it is like to have small children whilst in the throws of divorce, my 2 youngest were 10 months and 2 yo when he left last july (I also have slightly older children.

I take it you are either on maternity leave or do not work. Firstly, are you claiming all the tax credits etc that you are entitled to?

If he has not paid any child maintenance since leaving why not contact the CSA to get him assessed, he is obviously not going to make any offer on his own merit.

As far as your house, short marriage is usually classed as less than 2 years (differing views whether co-habiting is included in this). I think that it is unlikely that a judge would make you sell the property and the most he may do is put a charge on the property that would pay out either when you sold or your youngest child left school, not sure a judge would even go for this to be honest.

Do you have any other assets, debts or pensions that would be put into the pot ie, endowments, credit cards, loans etc. and who's names are they in?

You say he is seeing them every other weekend at the moment and not at the place where he is currently living! I would not have thought that he would be granted 50/50 care owing to his living arrangements, current contact and the age of the children; I also think the fact that you are breastfeeding is of significance at least for the time being.

I would suggest that you take advantage of a FREE half hour consultation (from wiki divorce services possibly), armed with a list of questions.

Ok, practicalities over, how are you coping as a mum with 2 young children? Are you getting out and socialising? I believe your baby was only 2 months old when he left, have you got a good family and friends support network around you? Are you getting time for you?

Don't worry, having breatfed 5 babies till they were around a year old I do know there are constraints to getting "me" time.

Come in the chat room once the littlies are asleep and I assure you, that you will feel at home. A bit of adult company and advice or just a bit of light relief will keep you sane (or not) depending who is in chat (Lol).

If you want to offload, feel free to send me a private message by clicking on Community and Directory of members and putting my log in name in.

Take care

xx Sarah xx

Hi Sarah,

thank you for your message, it's reassuring to feel listened to.

It is hard, as I'm on maternity leave (going back in Oct)and don't really have any family around, my parents live abroad.
I'm pretty sure I'm claiming all the right tax credits etc as I looked into it all quite a bit.
I have got a case with the CSA but they are really dragging their heels and unfortunately they cannot backdate the £ assessment due to him having another csa case elsewhere... So it's a matter of waiting for them to get their act together. Very frustrating.
Yes, I have a good pension, life insurance policy, shares etc in my name, the house & mortgage is in my name, and no debts.
He has 3 vehicles and a 2 loans (£13k+) in his name.
I think we are both under the impression that due to the house equity (£80k+) that divorce settlement will result in him getting a fair bit, but when I did the Divorce Calculator on here, it said that he would have to make payments to me, so does that mean that he Wont get anything in a settlement? I don't really understand the results of the calculator??

As for socialising, i have one very good friend who is also going through a divorce, and she is a welcome distraction from the daytoday and we go out once a fortnight whilst the ex's have the kids overnight.
Unfortunatly, my ex has decided today that he doesn't want the youngest one overnight anymore as he keeps him awake at night...! So that puts an end to my social life for a while.
I dont think that will help his case for joint residence!

What happened with you as far as your youngest ones go? Do/did they stay overnight?
my ex seems to think he is OWED 50/50 with the children just cos he is their dad.

best wishes, Dee.

Hi hadenoughnow,
Thankyou for your message. You have said pretty much what I think. and i've said alot more in my reply to another msg I rec'd about csa etc.
He just gets my blood boiling you know? Part of the reason we split is because he never had any time for his family and was rarely home. Now he says he's going to try to take the kids and house away from me. I know deep down that he doesn't really stand much of a chance, but it really helps to know that other people feel that too.
When he says things like he's not going to give me permission to take the kids abroad to see their grandparents, it all gets a bit much to take.

Thanks again, and I will try the chatrooms when I get a chance, Dee.

Hi Busy

Don't know if this will help at all but I can tell you the outcome of someone else's divorce.

My sister divorced when her daughter was 2 years old, she had been married 7 years. MH had mortgage of 40k and equity of approx. 100k. (3bed house)

She worked part time and was told to see mortgage advisor to see how much she 'could' raise mortgage and still be able to afford payments on her own based on her earnings and tax credit. They said 20k.

She was also told to prduce details of 2 bed properties in same area that were 'suitable' for her and child i.e garden, well maintained, not in slum etc.. she did this and it was found that cost would be same.

They sorted divorce through solicitors and it was concluded that she pay 20k to her ex. He was staying with a mate at the time. She kept house, car and all furniture except the huge hi-fi system (which she was glad to see go).

Her ex was working and obviously needed to re-house himself, so he took the 20k in his back pocket and bought a flash car. Then moved in with a new girlfriend he had found who owned a house.

I know not exactly the same as you, but you have 2 children and they are younger, your marriage shorter, he didn't bring assets into marriage and he is not paying maintenance to you either. Based on this I personally don't see how you can be forced to sell or raise large amount to pay him off, when you have 2 small children to house and care for and without the addition of maintenance to help.

Why is your x2b not working and how long has he not worked.

Salx

Hi Sal,

Thanks, that is helpful.
my ex does work. full time. he just refuses to pay any maintenance money because of my 'attitude' towards him. (we argue alot). He will not accept that the money is for the kids and sees it that he is 'giving me money'.
Others have said to me that i should refuse him access until he pays up, but i believe the kids have a right to see their dad so i wont do that.
I have gone through csa but it is all long winded and complicated because he has a previous child as well (that he DOES pay maintenance for).

I don't think that i could afford to increase my mortgage payments more than £30 a month as things are really tight at the moment with me being on maternity leave, my smp runs out next month, and when i do go back to work in oct, my childcare costs will go through the roof ! I know most of it will be covered by tax credits but even so.

I COULD downsize to a 2bed property I suppose but i feel why should I? I bought this house with my own money 3years before i even met him. I like it here, i don't want to move.

Your sisters ex sounds very similar to mine - i imagine he will blow the money on a car as well!

Dee x