My situ

Probably posting in the wrong place. Sorry. My situation in a nutshell is wife has fallen out of love with me. Haven't told the kids yet(6 & 9). This W/E probably.
Have been browsing this site for about a week. Excellent site.
Don't really want to go into too much detail at the moment but as it appears with us all, up and down, up & down, down, down, down,up & down!
Anyway the real reason for finally introducing myself is I need some financial advice.
Our financial situation, as I am sure everyone's is, is extremeley complex. Need some one to work it all out for me (sounds pathetic I know but honestly it is complex). Would normally go to a good (do I mean expensive?) lawyer. Think I will probably have to. But if I do how do I hold back their aggression (sorry I will try not to be lawyerist in the future). I really think my s2bx and I can work out a sensible arrangement but as I said the Financial sitution is very complex. Do I go to a lawyer or an accountant? Prefferably one that doesn't remind me of Harry Enfield (oh! you don't wanna do that) yes I am about 40.
Any suggestions gratefully received.
Great site!
PS I may have to change my username soon. Didn't think my s2bx might come across it when I registered!!

I would heartily recommend you use a mediation service if you think you can be amicable. They are trained in managing complex finances and if not helping you get the right advice. Nothing is legally binding about it but its quite far from the usual rotweiller approach that sometimes comes with lawyers - you can always go down that route if you have to later. It will also help set a more helpful precedent in discussing difficult issues appropriately - look up local mediation services near you and book an appointment if you can. The half way measure is collaborative law which is round the table but using lawyers so more expensive otherwise trial Wikis new legal service designed to be user friendly and cost appropriate - at least thats the goal. Gd luck - Rasher

Ouch you pair - agressive and rotweiller re lawyers in the same post - our public profile just gets better .

Gentie, unless you cannot do it without identifying yourself, post the details and you will receive some pen picture outlines of possible outcomes. If you feel you are likely to be identified by doing that, feel free to PM them to me or go to the wiki legal page and book a free half hour phone chat with one of us.

If you would prefer a face to face approach many firms do free half hours, so I would recommend you book a couple and find a solicitor you are happy with - it is important in these sorts of cases that you feel comfortable with your solcitor and the approach they propose to take on your behalf.

In terms of resolving matters between you, there are several ways forward. There is nothing stopping you from sitting down together and deciding between yourselves what is fair.

The next step is mediation, where you sit down with the mediator who assists you in reaching agreeement.

Following on from there, there is solicitor mediation, which is where you both sit with a trained independent solicitor mediator, who may be of more assistance if the asset pot is complex.

Then there is collaborative law, which is where you each have a collaborative lawyer and a round table approach is utilised.

Hope that helps
Amanda

Gentie,

You are worried about the finances. Legal bills could be horrendous and they are made horrendous by the parties' emotions invading the purely administrative nature of the divorce process.

Please try to talk with your spouse as much as you can. If you end up hating each other it still does neither of you any good in bringing that destructive emotion into the divorce. A huge amount of money better spent on the children gets wasted.

Try mediation or collaborative law as suggested and keep talking.

Also, both of you, look after your health, it is as priceless as your children.