aahhh! what do I do

Hi all,

Find myself in this awful situation. I have been with hubby for 8 years have 2 children, 7 and 5 year old. My husband is a compulsive gambler and has drink issues although in his eyes he doesn't. I have joined a support group for families of gamblers which is fantastic. My problem is I really can't stand the site of him any more. He is making me so miserable, let me down countless times and therfore making homelife pretty grim. Which the children are picking up on.
I have asked him to leave which he won't, in all fairness he has no where to go apart from parents where I feel he will end up in the gutter so we all suffer, finacially and the boys without a dad which I really don't want to happen.

So what do I do if he won't leave, he hasn't got the money to rent a flat but does have the money to gamble away aaahhh!!!

I too was in a similar position to yourself, living with a gambler and a drinker who would not admit he had a problem.

Eventually I asked him to leave and he moved in with a woman 3 days later (what was going on then is pure speculation but they are getting married later this year).

Have you tried discussing things with him? I guess you probably have but it has fallen on deaf ears, they are good at that or maybe even blamed you.

Why you continue to "accept" his behaviour he will see no reason to change.

If you are serious about ending the relationship (and I understand that feeling of not standing the sight of him) then I would suggest you visit a solicitor to see what your options are.

You don't say whether you own or rent the property you are currently in.

Living with him is not good for you or the children. It is good that you have joined a support group but I sometimes find these are very pro keeping the families together.

Your children need you to be strong and show them that although he is their dad, he has an illness and needs help which you cannot give him. Whilst you are still acting as his crutch he will continue to drink and gamble.

Does he work? How are you managing financially?

Maybe worth having a FREE half hour chat with a solicitor (Wiki offers this service - but obviously no obligation) and see whether there are grounds to get an occupancy order. Does his drinking have a direct effect on the boys? Is he abusive when he has been drinking?

Not doing anything is no longer an option. You and the boys deserve better. Yes, it maybe a struggle financially and emotionally at first, but think how different your life could be a few years from now if you were to leave him.

It took me 5 years after my first serious attempt to get him to leave and although I had another 2 children whom I adore I would love to have found the strength back then to have left him.

Hopefully you can find the strength and support from people on wiki to look forward to a better life for you and your boys.

Keep asking questions and feel free to send me a private message if you want to talk on a more personal level.

xx Sarah xx