HELLO

I am new to the site and after reading some of the forums i can totally relate to a lot of people. I am in what my hubby calls a trial seperation. He moved out of the family home over 3 weeks ago after telling me he needed to get his head sorted(whatever that means)and is now renting somewhere. How he can afford it god only knows. We have been together over 17 years and married for nearly 12 years, we have a boy 10 years old (who is being very brave about the whole situation). First he tells me he hasn't loved me for 2 years and then changes his story and tells me it was last november when he stopped loving me. I still love him very much and am taking it day to day at the moment. I am hurt that he has gone along pretending every thing is fine when it clearly was not. I have told my hubby he is going through a mid life crisis but he says nothing. I have asked him if there is anyone else and he replies no. Would be nice to hear from anyone in same situation.

Hi Jue

Are you sure there's no-one else? Don't mean to sound harsh or to upset you uneccesarily but in my experience men don't leave a family to find themselves - there's nearly always someone waiting in the background. In my case, my husband is working abroad and went from being a loving husband who rang me and spoke every day on computer to being distant, cold and emotionally detached from whole family especially me. I have hard evidence there is someone else and he still denies it and says that we were having problems before he went (which to some extent we were) but he has grossly exaggerated it, I think, in order to ease his own conscience. I feel for your son because mine also having hard time but trying to be strong.

Linda

Hi Linda,
I have had my suspicions that there could be someone else but don't have hard evidence. Like your husband that is how my husband became. He has been on my son's school PTFA for a number of years which is all well and good, i did'nt mind the meetings and various fund raisers they put on but when a new female member started thats when he changed. She too left her partner in January and moved to our home town. The "meetings" they now have are round each others houses and he leaves at 7 and more often that not does not come home till after midnight. I think he finds her attractive. But when i have accused him he always says there is nothing going on. As for my son he thinks my hubby is coming back but i have my doubts, my hubby just seems so distant when he comes round. Do you think your hubby is with anyone else?

Jue

Hi Jue

I am sorry to hear that but it certainly sounds as though there is something between them. I know for definite that my husband has someone else who is nearly 20 years younger than him. I went out to vist him in March and became suspicious and checked his phone - lots of text messages while I was out to dinner with him! He deleted the content but I found they were to this woman and he also had a photo on phone. I came home early devestated - he continued to deny and say they were just friends. He came back to UK two weeks ago to see me and my sons and to try and talk things through but spent the whole time with hiding his phone and I found further text messages saying things like 'I miss you too' and I found an E mail when he used our computer sent to this other woman saying 'missed you last night, can't wait to see you tonight for a cuddle and a good kiss'. It sounds crazy but I was almost relieved because I knew I wasn't going mad - he is still denying there is anything! He says he was just flattered by her! I would also listen to your gut instinct because it tells you so much. The pain I felt the first couple of months was unbearable but I am starting to get angry now as he has treated me and his sons with such utter contempt.

I hope your son is bearing up okay.

Linda

x

So sorry to hear about your situation also Linda. My hubby also started carrying his mobile around with him and when he received a txt would be very secretive. I blame the PTFA totally. How long have you been together with your hubby? How long have you been married? How old are your sons? This female is also younger than me and is a total flirt, very short skirts that leave little to the imagination but she is also a mum at the same school as my son so if there is something going on they can both look out.

Hope to speak soon

Jue x

Hi Jue

That is definitely a common theme - hiding the mobile phone which was always accessible to me before - I would even get my husbands phone for him if he was in the middle of something but now it is stuck in his trouser pocket like glue! We have been together 17 years, married for 15 with two sons aged 15 and 11. I know what you mean about blaming the PFA - I have done the same and thought if only my husband hadn't taken that job but I do believe if they are ready to do it they will whatever the circumstances - but the emotionally distant thing is another common thread. If its happening at school it won't be long before people cotton on to whats going on if it's anything like my son's primary school!

It is hard but even though I am worried sick about money, future etc. I know I will be okay - you have good and bad days and know you have to keep going for your family.

Linda

X

Hi Linda,

My husband used to keep his mobile on the kitchen worksurface and like you if it rang and he wasnt around i would answer it but up until he left it was stuck in his trousers and he would constantly be checking it but like you say if it going to happen it will. I am also worried about finances as i don't work. I gave everything up to be a full time mom while he has always maintained his social life not giving a second thought about who would look after our son as that was always left to me. Since he has gone he is trying to be a model dad which makes me want to scream. Are you and your hubby seperated and if so for how long? How are your boys taking it? You just keep asking yourself why me!

Jue x