Husband has left for younger woman

Hi all, this is my first time at this but thought I'd give it a go like so many of you have been brave enough to do.

My Husband left me 5 weeks ago, he claimed that I had rejected him when our son was born (son now 2rys) and that he felt lonely and unloved. I did the lions share of raising our baby as my Husband was always out working or taking up leisure activities. I felt bad for the first few weeks after he left, blamed myself, until I found a copy of his mobile phone bill and then I realised someone else was invloved. He tried to tell me she was just a friend and that she was helping him talk through our marriage problems, the ones he hadnt even mentioned to me. He then told me he loved me but was not in love with me and could'nt see any point trying relate councelling as he wasnt happy.

Last week I found out that he had taken this girl away on holiday for a week in Feb, he told me he was going on his own. Also he has spent other breaks and days with her when he should have been with me and my son.

I accept that our marriage was suffering but am gutted that he was not prepared to fight for it after everything we've been through (baby was IVF, Husband had been seriously ill and lost job etc). I am devasted that he has chosen to be with someone else, she's 16 years younger than him too and he claims that she's in love with him and he has strong feelings for her. He's split our family up just like that. I feel I have no choice but to divorce him as I dont trust or respect him anymore. I'm in turmoil and scared of the thought of getting a divorce but know I have to do it. I also know he's been seeking legal advise.

Any words of wisdom would be grately appreciated, am feeling so sad xxxx

Hi Nixxy
Welcome to Wiki, sorry your here but glad you found this site. Like you my ex had an affair and the lies are always the same ( think they learn from an adultery school), My ex wouldn't go to relate either and also spoke to friends about the relationship rather than me. So you are by no means alone and there our lots of people like us on here.
You will find Wiki a life saver as there is always someone to talk to who understands what you are going through and you will make new friends here. Try and use the chatroom and feel free to ask questions whenever you want.

It's a long hard road ahead of you but everyone on here will support you when your down and laugh with you when you laugh

Take care, your not alone

Broken1

Nixxy,

Welcome to Wikivorce. Sorry that you have found yourself here and in this situation. It is pretty awful. But you have definitely come to the right place. Lots of practical help, support and hugs when you need them. And I'll bet you could do with some at the moment.

Have a look around the site and read some of the posts and people's blogs. You really are not alone. One day, he will realise what he left behind and kick himself. Sadly that is too little too late for you. But don't be afraid. You are not the first to face this and I very much doubt that you will be the last. Use the support here to help you find your way through this tangle of law, emotion, grief and anger. You will get through it all.

Perhaps if you post up a little more about your situation, people could make suggestions to you about the right course of action to take.

How old are you both? How long married? Do you own your home? How much mortgage / equity? Do you both work?

It is a very difficult time. But reach out and help is here for you. Above all, be kind to yourself and take care of you and your child. That is what is most important right now.

Mike

Dear broken1 and Mike, thank you both for your words, it's comforting to know that people are out there and willing to listen and help where they can.

I am 38 and my Husband is 41. I was working part time, 3xdays a week, until he left me. I have now gone back four days a week to help with finances. We have a joint mortgage, house is worth £230k but debt on it is £215k, so not really worth selling at the moment. We have a property in France thats now up for sale at 80,000 euros, this was supposed to be our pension. He wants to sell it, pay off credit card debts (which I'm not entirely sure are all joint) and split the difference 50/50. He has a pension already from previous job but is scared that I might want some of it. We've been married 5 years living together for nearly 9. Does anyone know if I'm entitled to some of the pension?
Nixxx

Hi Nixxy
You should be entitled to some of his pension yes, the bad news is all debts (yours and his) are classed as joint so will come out of the pot. Aas you have no children ?? it should be a 50/50 split.

Broken1

I have one son, who is 2 years old, will that make a difference?

Dear Nixxy,

I am in a similar position to you. Ivf, together long time, but i found out my husband was getting 'comfort' from another woman 3 weeks before the birth. The phone bills is all the proof I need. My husband said he was lonely and unloved (though he was going out every night with his friends and the other woman, while i was home alone)
My advice is be careful of any bullying and bluffing. It took alot of research on my part to find out that i was in a good position not him (as he trys to assert)
Before spending alot of money on lawyers, do research on the net, in the library (where i was today reading 'fathers rights' books to get the other view from the other side)
I make sure to go to as many playgroups, baby massage, baby gym, courses, creches so I am not alone and so I can meet new people. Join Facebook etc. Contact Surestart.
Build a new life for yourself.
I repeat to myself 'I cannot rely on a man for my happiness and I must create my own happiness..', I am grateful that my children (3 month twins)are too young to be aware of the conflict.