Where do I even start?

Hi everyone, I hope this site is as useful to me as it seems to have been to lots of you.
Is it possible to get trust back,how many second chances should you give?I feel like my whole world is crumbling around me but I don't know if that's more from upest at not really knowing the man I married or from not knowing my rights financially.
We've been married six years, going relate one and a bit and I've recently found out he's been lying to me about finances and some personal issues for a long time.He's built up debt of 50k+ on ebay, cleared it from comp for injury and then gone back to buying again.He's seen psychiatrists, addiction cousellors etc and even lied to them. Twice I've asked him to move back in with me and twice he's said yes, then come up with some unacceptable behaviour to sabotage things.He keeps trying to say I'm impossible to live with and makes me feel like the worst wife in the world but then says am i sure I want a divorce. I don't know whether I'm coming or going and alternate between tears and anger.Somebody please help?!

Hi,

On the face of what you have said, which is little but leaves an impression that your husband has got a problem managing money and hence getting him (and you) into debt, I'd say get out and get someone else. Of course that's too simplistic as I presume that although that issue takes a lot out of you he must be putting something back in for you to stay with him. I know in my own relationship that we both have negative and positive aspects of our character, personality, abilities and competencies. I thought we complimented each other in that where one was weak the other was strong. I suppose in the end it comes down to how much you value or need your partners strengths and how draining his/her weaknesses are.

Hi,
Sounds as if he is addicted. Addicted people usually lie etc. so I am not at all surprised you have now discovered debts. Unless he admits it, seeks help and keeps up the help, things are unlikely to change and the lies and deception will continue. So if you do reconcile before that help which he has continued to access for ages, you will more likely than not be back to square one. He may be resisting a reconciliation because he knows this himself and doesn't want to put himself, or you, through another upset/split because he has got an addiction.
If at this moment in time you want to stand by him, then I would seek out support for you. There are tons of support groups for the families and supporters of those addicted.
My advice would be, dont reconcile until he admits the full extent of his addiction and been through all the channels of help for a long period of time (most withdraw because it is tough) and also even if once dealt with, the addiction is always there ready to be triggered in times of stress.

Maysie