A hard decision, but I have no choice.

Hi Beatty,
sorry to hear your story. I am 5 weeks down the line of discovering affair by h of 25 years. thought someone had ripped my insides out. he won't leave the home until he retires later this year. 2 wonderful grown up children traumatised by his adultery, but he brushes that off with 'they'll get over it' Yes, perhaps, but they won't ever see him in the same light again. he goes 'wherever he goes' at any opportunity so I don't know when he's going to be around or not. there isn't a suggestion of violence, so his leaving would be voluntary. Like you, I feel as though I've lost so many friends during my marriage, big mistake, but didn't realise it was happening I suppose I got engrossed in my own family.
I need to rebuild a life but feel that I can't fully move on with him still here. my kids are a tower of strength but I want to be supportive for them rather than depend on them for support. saw a counsellor in attempt to retain sanity and will continue to see her in attempt to have my feelings legitimised, if that's necessary. sorry, don't know if I'm making sense now.
future seems so uncertain re home and finances as I've been the one always to take low paid jobs to cover childcare etc. so won't come out with a decent pension adn he's clearly going to do anything to guard his substantial payments which commence later this year.
well done you for making that decision - they say the corrct decisions are hardest to make. I decided straight away that I wouldn't be with someone who can cheat and lie, and continues to do so even knowing that to tell his kids the truth would bring some closure to them in trying to make sense of things. will go now as I think I;m starting to ramble. speak later, Hx

Hi Beatty,
I couldn't get my x out either and he vehemently refused to leave.
there's not a lot of time left before September and your x2b relocates abroad.I think you'll find that knowing there's a definate point in time in which you know he will be gone for a while may give you the necessary strength to get you through the weekends that are left..two months may seem a long time waiting but given the duration of some divorces it isn't.once he's gone abroad you'll have the breathing space to come to terms with it all, albeit take little steps, one at a time.
yes it is daunting, fear of the unknown.I too was terrified of the future,how I'd cope financially and I'm on a pension.What has got me through is knowing there will be a better life for me afterwards.I may not have a luxurious lifestyle ahead of me, but I never did when married as my x spent it all on himself.learning to take on the day to day bills and services isn't hard, you'll step into that role without even realizing it.you're probably already running the household yourself now anyway.as you have a young child financial provision will be part of your divorce settlement.noeone would leave you destitute with a young child so don't worry too much.as I said earlier one step at a time,one hour,one day whatever is that one step closer to a better life.regards.

Hi,

Again thank you for your very helpful replies.

I have had a hellish weekend and have been left feeling so worried about this whole divorce process.

In a nutshell. We have pretty much been separated all week just seeing each other at weekends for nearly two years. We have been married for 4. The marital home was mine before we got married and I recently got my h to sign a post nuptial agreement in the event of divorce that it would remain mine (he made me very nervous but constantly trying to get the equity out of it). I am not working and have never earned very much, I am looking after my daughter full time. I am hoping to find a part time job until my daughter is a little older as the childcare would be huge and I couldn't bear to leave her. My h is earning approx £100 ,000 pa and has just had a bonus of £150,000 net. I am given £130 for the week to look after myself and my daughter and he hid the bonus from me! He buys what on earth he wants and is so begrudging for the things we genuinely need. I understand that he will need to go off and get a flat and I accept that I won't get a huge settlement. He has stashed away a further £160,000.

What should I expect? Does anyone know. My solicitor has said it would be deemed a SHORT marriage in court, so you would be put back to where you were before marriage?

Would be really grateful if anyone knew. Very worried I might lose the house as I have a mortgage on it? My solicitor said if it went to court it was a real possibility.

Thank you.

Bx

Beatty,

You have a child and that makes a difference to how things work out financially - even with a short marriage.

You should ask your solicitor about spousal maintenance pending suit. You stbx should be paying 15% of his net income for your daughter. It does not sound like he is. Talk to the CSA asap.

You should not be losing your house over this. YOur daughter needs a home and you brought that home into the marriage.

If you are not confident in your solicitor, get a different one .. if you want a second opinion talk ito the wiki lawyers - you can get half an hour free.

HAdenoughnow

Know that feeling of thingking someone had ripped my insides out! Difficult to move on when stbx is still living with you (same here) but move on you will, in time and that time will be soon. Stay strong, emotions are still raw but ride with them and your future will pan out fine.

I took my daughter to nursery school this morning and came home and made cup of tea after cup of tea and went back to bed. I have just got up and feel like I really can't go on. I am useless, all I have going on in my head is this marriage.

I had to contact my solicitor yesterday and tell her to halt this divorce, this is the second time. He has told me that he loves me above anything else in his life and he won't let this marriage fold. 'We will both be financially ruined'!

If I divorce him he is threatening to leave his job, I do believe him. He will fight his corner hard. I will lose my house, which I couldn't face leaving. He has suggested we go back to Relate, he has also put a cheque into my bank account, something I try to get sorted out every month!!!!!!

I need some sort of help and I don't know where to turn, this situation is destroying me and ruining my daughter's life. I know he is never going to change. He will always lie to me, it is in his make-up to do so.

I have so little confidence in myself I don't have the strength to go out and look for a job, I just wish I had a career that I could go back to and give my daughter a good life.

sorry I'm a mess, I can't see the wood for the trees and exhausted.