A hard decision, but I have no choice.

Hello,

Sorry, not entirely sure I'm in the right Forum area?! I am feeling very strange and surreal. My life is going to change forever and I am going to have to share my beautiful little daughter for the rest of her childhood, which I am finding rather daunting. She is 3 nearly 4 and spent last weekend away from me for the first time and I nearly died of misery. I want her to have a good relationship with my husband but it is so hard.

I have had a choice for a long time, stay with my husband who has lied to me from day one or have the guts to leave. It is very hard because I love him, but it is more pity for him and fear for myself that has kept us together.

I tried divorcing him a year ago but failed. He made me promise after promise of things he would change and not do as they hurt me so much (he was married before and has 11 year old daughter) but here we are a year later and if anything he is worse. We regularly sees his ex wife and daughter for dinners with their mutual friends and families and never tells me. The rest is too long a story for this brief introduction.

Anyway I won't go on but hoping I am going to find the strength to leave for good, as this marriage is never going to work.

My solicitor unfortunately is sooooo slow which is frustrating.

Very glad I found this site and hoping I will get a lot of strength from it.

Thank you for reading.

Bx

Hi Beatty

You've come to the right place for support. I'm sure lots of people here can relate to your story. Keep coming back and talking to us all

It sounds like you've made your decision so I applaud your courage already. The best of your life is in front of you now

Sun

This is a great place for support and just now you understandably feeling very unsure, raw and a rollercoaster of emotions. Don't be afraid to chat and let all out here as everyone is so supportive. I know exactly how you feel when you talk about having to 'share' your daughter but your angst feelings will begin to apease - can't believe I am actually saying that - would not have done 4 weeks ago!

Visit here often as everyone here is a tower of strength.

Please take care

xxx

Hi there - I was a wiki virgin until a week ago - and find it slightly addictive (in a good way) I have read lots of stories that have helped and hope help you too. it is always reassuring to know that others are in the same boat as yourselves. yes our stories are different but the basic hurts/worries etc are the same.
Sorry about yourlittle girl going and you being upset, it is so hard.I know. my two (7 and 9) have stayed over at his twice and (becuase of an arranged holiday pre spilt) they left today for a week with the ex. felt like heart and lungs ripped out emotionally and physically today. everyone says it will get better - lets us hope so.yes we want them to be ok with the exes but it hurts that we are here and we have to lose part of their lives - that if it had not failed we would (and more importantly) they would not have to be seeing their parents split times. take care - understand exactly how you are feeling xx

Thank you all for welcoming me.

I am finding this divorce business all consuming!

My husband is back for the weekend, we don't see each other during the week he is in Midlands. I just don't know how this is going to work, every weekend seeing each other when things clearly are going to get VERY heated. Really worry about my daughter being in the firing line. At the moment we aren't talking and haven't been for two weeks. Very nervous as he could very well receive my solicitors letter in the morning.

Think I will take the dog for a very long walk.

I wish one could just press a button and you would automatically know the outcome, I feel this is going to be a very long stressful process.

I have also realised that I have so few friends. Before I met my husband I had so many good friends, I have one by one lost them all, well nearly all. I feel I have to completely restart my life. I am finding this thought above all else the most difficult. I need to start getting my confidence back if I am to survive a divorce and make a new beginning with my daughter.

hello Beatty,
I stayed or felt forced to stay in my very controlled marriage of over 30 odd years.I thought staying married and my children having both parents around was preferably to us getting divorced and them only having one parent around.This was the worst decision I ever made for them and myself.nothing ever changed or got better,it got worse until the kids and myself have been mentally scarred by it all.I took the sentimental route, thought I'D be depriving them of a father, feeling sorry for them losing a father but actually they would have been better off without him.they became his weapon if he could not get his own way he took it out on them, if he couldn't take it out on me.
So having said that,you have already shown considerable strength of character to make this decision now. you have not wasted precious time(years) in your life and your child's life trying to fix something that needs two to fix..many couples can and do put aside their differences in front of the children,others cannot.I have and still am in the throes of ancillary relief.x still in marital home.our child now an adult still in the marital home also has been emotionally traumatized by all that's occurred here.who knows what emotional scars my grown up child will be left with so I cannot even contemplate the effects of acrimonious behaviour if a young child witnesses it and is drawn into it.
it is hard seeing your child leave but you know she is returning to you.your shared care at the moment is preferable to her witnessing you both together in an acrimonious situation.
you are uncertain how manageable it'll be over weekends when you are both within the M.Home, I suppose that depends on whether you can both be under the same roof without an ongoing war.it didn't work for me but maybe because your child is so young that between you, you both may be able to control open hostility but it is impossible to do so if one partner remains hostile even if the other isn't. as it takes 2 to argue it needs the two to maintain the peace as well.only you can tell whether you can survive the hostility if any over weekends.I wish you luck.

Thank you Topaz.

The problem is I have been told by my solicitor that I can't get my h to leave unless he wants to. He hasn't been violent or threatening (although for the first 3 years of my relationship/marriage he was drunk and violent, that all changed 2 years ago and he hasn't had a drop since thank god).

Luckily in September he is relocating to Germany for a few years', which has also been one of the motivators to starting divorce now. I am hoping that this will give me the space I need to get my life back on track however daunting it all seems.