Seven months and not getting any easier

Have just recently found wikivorce! My story is this: I left my x2b 7 months ago, with my son (aged 10) and moved a couple of miles away. A tough move, but one I would have done years ago if I had the choice. My family all live the other side of the world. I had been miserable in the relationship for years and years - even moving out when I was seven months pregnant with the intention of moving back home but in the end was more frightened of being a single parent. Later married x2b, a farmer, (in my naivete not realising the rights I was giving him) and committed myself to living my life in a cage. I went from being a world traveller with a great social life and loads of cultural experience (meals out, concerts, cinema, plays, week-long camps etc) to going out once every six months if i was lucky - with a man who would only go out if he could get drunk, usually the pub. In 12 years I had one meal out with him, rarely did any socialising outside the pub (which was usually him on his own up to 3 nights a week, while I stayed at home to babysit), and rarely went to any social event as a couple or on my own. Apart from his disgusting habits, our lives were ruled by his matriachal mother, who owns the farm, holds the purse strings and calls the shots (puppetmaster). Intelligent and well-educated my life was expected to revolve around the 100 acre farm (where nothing changed from year to year), to be available to help x2b whenever he needed it and was actively discouraged from having outside interests from this highly dysfunctional tunnel-visioned and victorian-thinking family business.
Been through relate, personal counselling etc but little improvement on the mistrustful, controlling and mind-warping attitude of x2b. Over the years any feelings I had for him died, but I didn't realise it until I was (FINALLY) allowed to visit my family with my son and had three weeks away from the relationship. Came back to the realisation he was not the man for me.
However, x2b will NOT accept the relationship is over. Every child handover - 3 to 4 times per week - turns into an hour (or two) long discussion about the 'ridiculous situation' and 'finding a way forward' and 'trying one more thing'. Son is struggling to cope cos x2b keeps telling him and everybody else (and tells me to say the same - not that I do, of course) that we are 'trying to work things out'. Despite giving up the drink and dealing with some of the worst habits, he is still the same man who I cannot respect, do not love and wouldn't now touch with a barge pole!
To make matters worse m-in-law has since been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
The reason I have been able to get out now is because I got a full-time well paid but high pressure job - against his wishes - a couple of years ago, and having proved myself in the job, felt strong enough to get out.
All I can say is, thank god for my friends - without them i would have disintegrated!
Sorry about the long post but it's complicated!

Free_to_fly,
Welcome to Wikivorce. It does sound a complicated situation, but not insurmountable. You don't say in your post how long you were together. I am guessing 11 years or so, separated for 7 months. In divorce terms, that would be considered a 'long' marriage. Have you started divorce proceedings yet?

I'm not quite clear on your plans - are you looking to divorce and stay in this country? or are you thinking of returning home?

Hopefully, whatever your intentions, you will find some support and answers here.

Mike

Hiya free,

Let me add my welcome to Mike's. You have come to the right place and I am sure you will fee right at home.
You were not even sitting in a gilded cage by the sound of it and I am pleased for you that 1) you had the courage to leave and 2) you have a job that allows you to stay away.
Well done.

Once you start thinking about the divorce procedure - which I am assuming you will - there is oodles of information on here concerning all aspects of divorce.

Or come and join us in the chatroom.
The door is open.
Red XX

Bit of a sorry tale of woe. Its easy to get trapped. Looks like you have. But at least you got out. But 7 months is nothing after all those years.You have to give yrself time to get over this. Anway you have come to the right place.Welcolme. C

Hiya free,

Let me add my welcome to Mike's. You have come to the right place and I am sure you will fee right at home.
You were not even sitting in a gilded cage by the sound of it and I am pleased for you that 1) you had the courage to leave and 2) you have a job that allows you to stay away.
Well done.

Once you start thinking about the divorce procedure - which I am assuming you will - there is oodles of information on here concerning all aspects of divorce.

Or come and join us in the chatroom.
The door is open.
Red XX