Seven months and not getting any easier

Have just recently found wikivorce! My story is this: I left my x2b 7 months ago, with my son (aged 10) and moved a couple of miles away. A tough move, but one I would have done years ago if I had the choice. My family all live the other side of the world. I had been miserable in the relationship for years and years - even moving out when I was seven months pregnant with the intention of moving back home but in the end was more frightened of being a single parent. Later married x2b, a farmer, (in my naivete not realising the rights I was giving him) and committed myself to living my life in a cage. I went from being a world traveller with a great social life and loads of cultural experience (meals out, concerts, cinema, plays, week-long camps etc) to going out once every six months if i was lucky - with a man who would only go out if he could get drunk, usually the pub. In 12 years I had one meal out with him, rarely did any socialising outside the pub (which was usually him on his own up to 3 nights a week, while I stayed at home to babysit), and rarely went to any social event as a couple or on my own. Apart from his disgusting habits, our lives were ruled by his matriachal mother, who owns the farm, holds the purse strings and calls the shots (puppetmaster). Intelligent and well-educated my life was expected to revolve around the 100 acre farm (where nothing changed from year to year), to be available to help x2b whenever he needed it and was actively discouraged from having outside interests from this highly dysfunctional tunnel-visioned and victorian-thinking family business.
Been through relate, personal counselling etc but little improvement on the mistrustful, controlling and mind-warping attitude of x2b. Over the years any feelings I had for him died, but I didn't realise it until I was (FINALLY) allowed to visit my family with my son and had three weeks away from the relationship. Came back to the realisation he was not the man for me.
However, x2b will NOT accept the relationship is over. Every child handover - 3 to 4 times per week - turns into an hour (or two) long discussion about the 'ridiculous situation' and 'finding a way forward' and 'trying one more thing'. Son is struggling to cope cos x2b keeps telling him and everybody else (and tells me to say the same - not that I do, of course) that we are 'trying to work things out'. Despite giving up the drink and dealing with some of the worst habits, he is still the same man who I cannot respect, do not love and wouldn't now touch with a barge pole!
To make matters worse m-in-law has since been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
The reason I have been able to get out now is because I got a full-time well paid but high pressure job - against his wishes - a couple of years ago, and having proved myself in the job, felt strong enough to get out.
All I can say is, thank god for my friends - without them i would have disintegrated!
Sorry about the long post but it's complicated!

Hi

sending you positive thoughts and energy

Just remember what life was like before before you moved out - and savour the ambience and space that you have now created for you and your boy.

Love

Solarpowered
(Not bottle powered!)

free_to_fly wrote:

I went from being a world traveller with a great social life and loads of cultural experience (meals out, concerts, cinema, plays, week-long camps etc)

This resonates so much of what I've felt; and I have had friends; who were all professional, inteligent women, who fell in love and had their lives destroyed by marriage!

I think strong women attract weak men. Your x2b is indeed sounding really 'needy' right now. He's obviously taken you for granted; and had you cater to his whims, putting his work as a priority. It sounds like you've been putting up with a really raw deal, and I'm glad that you've found independence again through your own work.

Having lost my mum to cancer; I can understand that his losses may be doubled right now. However, your marital problems pre-date her illness; and I think you have to put the well-being of YOUR life, and that of your son; before the selfish attitudes of his families needs.

Just keep moving forward. Life's too short for regrets.