Just joined and need help

thanks. I am actually at work, as I am not allowed onto the computer at home unless I am doing something specifically for him.

I shall see if I can contact my parents, if not i shall look at Refuge, but i shall need the internet wherever I go so i can keep in contact with my friend with our ongoing plans for getting me over there.

Strappedforcash,

Sorry not sure whether you have been in this situation personally.

Your leaving, is better if planned in advance, often the most dangerous time is when you are trying to leave your abusive partner.

More women are injured or killed at the point where they were actually leaving their partner because you are taking away the abuser's control.

Please, Lunagal, don't be too hasty now that you have got this far. Let us help you leave this relationship as safely and with as much support as possible.

Will be in touch.

xx Sarah xx

Hi Guys,

You are correct never been in the situation that Lunagal59 find herself in.

The comments showed are my opinon and Lunagal, should do what she feels safe and secure to do.

Do still feel strongly about finding a womens refuge and perhaps discussing her escape with them.

I hope Lunagal finds peace, and keeps herself safe.

strappedforcash:)

Sarah is right: you need to plan this carefully, for the sake of both you and your daughter. You need to make sure you take your daughter with you if at all possible. Just because he adores her that doesn't mean that he won't control her life just as he has controlled yours.

The situation is also complicated because you want to go the the US. You will need permission from your husband or from the court to be able to take your daughter with you, so you can't just go there. I don't think it will be at all simple for you to arrange for your daughter to follow you once you are settled: it is more likely that your husband would refuse to let her go. I don't think it's harsh to think of leaving her behind for a while, but I do think it is foolish. It would be better to have her life disrupted for a while than to be separated from you in the long-term, especially if she is left with an abusive man.

Plan things carefully. Look at the advice given by Women's Aid online about how to get out and what to do. Make sure you have somewhere to go, and if possible, somewhere to move onto if he follows you there. Talk to your parents and get them on your side. If you plan things carefully you will be able to leave safely and with your daughter.

Good luck,

Sadie

Hi again Lunagirl

Agree with other comments about planning this.My sister told her prev mentally and occasionally physically abusive husband that she was thinking about leaving him and he tried to kill her and said he would do the same to their young child. My sister ended up in hospital with a crushed windpipe but luckily the police arrived before he could harm the little'un.

She is ok now and has had a lot of support from police etc but she wouldn't have felt safe in any actions if he hadn't been in custody and then under strict bail conditions.

I'm def not saying stay with him, just make sure u plan and do not tell him of your plans, u need to make sure u have somewhere safe for u both to go to.

Big hugs
Scared x x