Just joined and need help

I have been searching around on the internet for as much help and advice as i could, but so far..not really getting anywhere.

I have been married to my husband for just over 5 years now and have a 10 yr old daughter with him.(I'm 30, he's 33) The marriage hasn't really been a happy one since the beginning, to be honest I regrett every marrying him.

Here's a bit of my history to mull over...I have always had a low self-esteem from years of bullying through school and college. I never had a boyfriend until I met my husband when I was 17. He told me from the beginning that he wasn't the marrying type, and that I didn't honestly mind as we had years to get through first.

We got engaged when i was 21 at a party, and even then ther was no mention of ever getting married. I should have known that there was something up when the only reason he wanted to set a date for the wedding was when I asked to go away for 1 night to a work's Christmas Party.

Since then everything seems to have gone downhill...I have to ask to do anything. I am not allowed to go out. Due to me taking money out of my bank and spending it on myself he forced me to move everything to his bank account, even my wages. I am not allowed to go to bed until he says I can. If I don't do enough housework on my days off work I get into trouble. He even forces me to have sex with him.

I can't cope with this life anymore. I found solace online with friends...I cannot tell my husband that I have friends online as he would probably physically hurt me if he knew. When we had a massive fallout last year after he foundout that I had been texting a friend he was waving a knife around threatening to harm himself or me.

I have only stayed at the house with him i think out of fear..I have not loved him in a long time but have been too afraid to get out. He loves our daughter liek the world and i know that he will never hurt her, it's me i am scared about.

I have a friend in the USA who wants me to stay with them for a while, go travelling so i can start afresh.

My problem is...do you think i have good grounds to divorce under UB? and would I be able to initiate the divorce from the USA or do I have to stay in the UK to do it?

Lunagirl,

Welcome to Wiki. I am appalled by your story. You are the victim of domestic violence, you have been RAPED for goodness sake. If that is not unreasonable behaviour I don't know what is.

You need help - and fast. Contact Women's Aid or Refuge, they will be able to support you. And there are others on here who have been in your situation - they will know far better than I how to advise and support you.

You need to get out - and soon.

Hadenoughnow

Lunagirl

Big hugs x x x

I totally agree with hadenoughnow, you and your child need help and to get out now.Have u ever talked to your GP about any of this, has he ever hurt u so u needed to go to hospital? U could get help thru them is what I'm thinking but yes Refuge and Womens Aid too. Samaritans locally would have details of any local help groups as well, I know in my area there are refuges that just local.

Also do u trust anyone at work to confide in them? U just need support and much as we can offer on here u need local, physical people too.Do u have family that could help altho I'm guessing not from what you've said. If u worried about admitting it, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.Please, please remember that.

Keep posting, sorry I don't know more about legal aspects.
Take lots and lots of care
Scared x x

He has never hurt me enough that I have needed any medical assistance. He has in the past hit me around the head and once held me against a wall by my throat, but that hasn't been for several years.

I am trying to arrange some time to talk to my parents about it all, to tell them what I am planning on doing.

when I get out I am not sure i'll be able to take my daughter with me at first, but am planning on have her follow me to the US as oon as I can after, but i want to make sure that things that end will be 100% secure for her before uprooting her from her family and life here in the UK.

I know that sounds harsh, me leaving her behind here, but i don't want to take her over there to have things not work out and ruin her life in the process.

I have spoken to a couple of people here at work and they support me in this idea, but it's the actual going through with it that I get so anxious about.

Am going to send you a pm with some information later today

Things make look bad, but there is help and you have taken the most important step by saying "Enough is enough!"

I have been in a similar situation to you and it took me nearly 13 years of living with the man to make my escape

There are a few of us on here (too many in fact) that know what you are going through first hand.

Don't do anything rash, you need to plan this properly for yours and your daughter's safety.

Will be in touch.

xx Sarah xx

Thank you Sarah, I have done nothing but think it all over for the past few months. Looking up information on the internet and talking to my friend in the US. All i need to do is speak with my parents when they are available to get their help too.

Leave now.

Pick up your child, pack a few things and find the nearest womens refuge.

Not only is this situation going to turn out bad for you, you love your daughter don't let her be living like this.

You are worth more than you realise.

As you have the internet search for refuge, or if you mom and dad are available stay with them. At least you and your daughter will be in safe familiar environment.

Divorce him as you have strong grounds.

Keep strong

Strapped for cash