hello and help

Hi

Just new to the site. Splitting up after nearly 12 years of marriage and 16 years together. Have 2 children ages 6 and 2. Have no job as took redundancy to stay home and look after the children. On reflection I saw all this coming but still in shock. My husband has met someone else and wants this marriage to end. Feeling very hurt, angry, confused and scared. Started to have feelings of anxiety. Just want to get through this and out the other end in tact!!

Verso,
Hello and welocme to Wikivorce, the home of the emotionally abandoned and hurt.

Oh dear, what a situtation to find yourself in. I really am very sorry to hear what has happened. It is a very hard time when the reality comes home and all the worst fears are confirmed.

It hurts like hell at the moment, you are constantly thinking, panicking, listening to an abundance of chatter in your haead as your emotions attempt to assimilate what is going on and how to deal with it. You feel like crap and you find yourself tearful at the drop of a hat, about what would normally be the silliest of things. It is all perfectly normal. And anger is good. Anger gives you strength like you wouldn't believe. But it needs to be channelled in the right way. It can be a very destructive force, or a force to drive you on to make things better for you and your children.

Right now, the MOST important thing to do is to look after you. Wikivorce is a great plce to meet other people going through similar experiences and emotions to yourself, who can reassure you with complete confidence that it DOES get better and you won't always feel so bad. But it doesn't happen overnight. It takes time. Time to heal emotional wounds, time to adjust and reflect, time to plan and deal with things.

You can do it all. You might not think it at the moment, but deep within you is a mum who has been hurt beyod measure, who will make it all OK for her children and herself. She might take a bit of finding, but she is there. Trust me.

For now, be nice to yourself and don't push yourself too hard. Many people liken separation and divorce to a bereavement. I can honestly say that I have never experienced shuch a breadth and depth of emotions as I have through this painful process.

But guess what? You just found 17,000 new friends who will hold your hand and help you through this emotional and financial minefield. Don't worry - it will all be OK. Just not now. I took me 9 months to get to a point where I accepted that it was over. 9 months on I am still a bit wobbly sometimes, but I have much more clarity about where I am going now.

Take care of you and your children and ask for help - someone will always have an idea for you. keep posting,

Mike

I found that time is a great healer, and if you manage to find someone else this will also help.