Dazed and confused!!!!

Where do I even start?

I'll try this again...

On Friday the 13th (June) after 7 years of marriage she wants a divorce..

Please excuse the use of the term 'her', she has a name, but calling her my wife isn't fitting to the whole situation.

It turns out that she has been unhappy for a 5 or 6 months. I'll back track. A couple of years ago I went into a bad bout of depression, partly brought about by my ongoing disability. I thought that I was getting through it and started to feel like my old self again about 4 months ago.
(A tip for others, don't shut it away and try and get through it yourself, you must talk about it).

As it turns out that when I tried to shut it away I shut myself away from her as well. As a result she says that we have drifted apart, and that she loves me but she's not in love with me, (we went through the same situation before we got married but we managed to talk through it, and after several months apart got back together again). Now she loves me like a best friend. I have suggested that we try getting outside help but she says that it is too late, although she says that when she came to this conclusion she did consider it.

I know that with me being disabled that it takes a fair bit of work all the time, being my fathers son when I get fed up I don't talk. Part of my disability is that I'm in a massive amount of pain all the time. When I'm in a lot of pain I don't talk a great deal because I don't know what to do with myself, th pain can be so great that I feel physically sick (the pain killers, amoungst others, only take the edge off the pain). That's another story.

Now she says that she has no more too give, she has tried and tried but that she feels drained.

Now I'm in the same situation like many others in this site.

That's the short version of my situation.

The reason for not saying anything else on this post the first time is that everytime i tried to type anything a kept breaking down in tears, it's not so bad this time. I can feel the tears welling up but they haven't broke the surface this time.

Anyway the reason for this post is that I'm in this situation, like many of you, and I don't have anyone to talk to. The few friends that I have all have their own lives and have never been in this situation. Breaks ups yes, but not after a 14 year relationship.

It's funny, for the first time this morning a felt that if she changes her mind I don't know if I would. Yes my heart feels like it's been run over by the whole of the worlds cars (I'm a petrolhead and it wouldn't be right if I said the worlds population of elephants), but I don't know if I would take her back. Not as this is the second time that this has happened.

So this goes out to all you out there, I'm 34, depressed as hell and looking for others out there who's going through it or have been through it. (Don't be offended if I reply to a message in a sarcastic tone. It may be the lowwest for of wit, but that's me). If you don't respond, thank you for your time. Doing this has made me feel better, you may be in a similar situation, but if it's not as bad mine at least you know that there are others out there in a worse situation than yours, C.

P.s. Mine first name is not cereal.

Who knows?
But welcome to wiki, give it your best shot, there are lots of people on here offering help and support.
Good Luck

cerealkilla999

There's a thread where folks explain why they've chosen their alias - you must have a good story there!

My godson nearly killed his younger sister by misfeeding her sugar puffs when they were 3 & 1 respectively. Since then he's been denounced as a cereal killer!

keep smiling

Kalamari

Just read your story and my heart goes out to you. We will get through this with the help and support offered here. We will have to drag ourselves through the pain and hopefully laugh along the way.
you are not alone mate!

Cereal I can really relate to this. Over the years I have been suffering unknowingly from MS (although stbx and I did realise my health was causing concern). Stbx and I had very similar suituations you described. In coping with my illness I just worked even harder, got more bank loans and seemed to want more understading for what I was trying to do. However I think I was just blinded by my efforts to keep a world going that seemed to shrink around me. Often I felt that I failed in my ability to cope with the illness and in doing so sent wrong "messages" to everybody around me.

I hope things get better for you. Wish you all the luck.

Hello Ceral, keep posting as this is a great site & you will get lots of support. Its sad that you're splitting with your wife after so long, its a shame she wont go to relate & try to save the marriage, but nobody can make a person go to counselling if they dont want to.
Try to just live 'a day at a time' for now, look after yourself and know you're doing everything you can to get through the days/weeks ahead. We don't know what tomorrow will bring so we each need to just live in today....
Cindygirl