Hello to all

Just wanted to introduce myself. I am 29 and have 3 very young boys. They are 4, 3 and 8 months. That's the benefits of my marriage now here is what happened!!!
Last year I was heavily pregnant with our youngest and he came home from work and told me he didn't want this life anymore. So that was like "cheers, thanks a lot!" We patched things up but I think that this was the start of it all. Problems started in Feb when he was out all day (we were both on holiday from work!) and in March, I asked him to leave. He came back after a week adn we tried yet again. In April, he went out all night and didn't even bother coming home. We had an arguement and he told me he was going out the next day and not coming home so I told him not to bother. So he moved out and 5 days later told me he had found a bedsit but had to get a "double room!" Well, I'm not stupid so I thought what's good for the goose, and I went out and had a great time! My suspicions were right. He had moved in with this little girl (she's 21 and he's 27).
Then, we talked and realised that we wanted to give it another go and put what had happened behind us. I paid for a holiday for all of us to go away at the end of May to start again, only for the bombshell to be dropped halfway through our holiday that he was going back to her!
He moved back out and has now set up home with her paying rent. He has left me with a huge mortgage (£1000 a month payments!) and basically in a right mess! He still sees the kids but I can't afford to take him to court at the mo as I obviously haven't got the money! Have already had my free 1/2 hour with a solicitor and I will be divorcing him for adultery!!! Sorry, it's long but had to let you know the full story!!

Hi and welcome to Wiki. I know it can't solve anything but talking to other people who understand what you're going through really does help. I only found Wiki a couple of months ago but I'm so glad I did.

Hang on in there.

Mad x

Hi smiffy

As you said : a right mess.
Now let's see what can be cleared and tidies up.....
One thing that your husband must pay, no ifs, no buts, and that is child maintenance.
Go onto the CSA website and look at their calculator.

You do not say whether you work, but with three very young chidren I suspect you are not.
The next thing on your 'to do' list is to contact your council via the Jobcentre plus which are now in charge of benefits. You make an appointment and tell them of the situation, because if you have no savings, you are entitled to various benefits : child benefit obviously, child tax credit, income support etc.
I know that the last thing on your mind at present is filling in forms, but it has to be done.
You mention that you want to divorce him for adultery. That is fine. I just want you to be aware that it may be of great moral importance to you, but when it comes to the division of your assets, it is not taken into account in any way WHATSOEVER.
You will probably rail at the unfairness of this, but that is the law. The earlier you know, the better it is : you will NOT get more because your husband has committed adultery = the reason you may (and probably will) get more than 50% is because you are the childrens' primary carer and the court is first and foremost interested in their wellbeing.

As for the mortgage : are both of your names down as being responsible for the mortgage ? If the answer is yes, it means that the mortgage lender is not interested in who has stopped payments - they want their money. Period.
What you can do temporarily is talk to the mortgage company, explain the situation to them and take a mortgage holiday.
This also needs to be done asap as mortgage lenders get nervous after a couple of months default on the payments.
If your husband alone is responsible for the payments, there could be serious problems ahead for you.

I am sorry that this post is not more optimistic, but it is better to know the facts, however unpalatable they may be.

Good luck
Red XX

Hi!

Yes I do work full time. My sister looks after the children whilst I'm at work. So therefore, not entitled to much benefits. He does pay me £100 a week as maintenance which is more than what he should. I have spoken to the mortgage company and they said there is not much they can do and cannot default any payments for me as we only took this mortgage out together back in March. Which is interest only.

He has agreed to sign everything over to me and not touch anything (think he just wants to walk away!) My soliciotr said that I do not have to give him any money as with all the assets, the court aren't going ot make me pay. I've got to go to the CAB next week and ask what is my next course of action.

Thanks for all your replies!!