Hi all from sad, scared and lonely.

My last few years of marriage were a mess, I was really horrid but I thought he was too. I had hoped we would separate for a year, I would have some freedom from quite a controlling guy, I thought he would sort himself out and then try and win me back.

We tried relate but after I insisted on separation he admitted he didn't do anything as he never thought I would end it. He is divorcing me, I withdrew my original paperwork as he was threatening sucicde and I didn't want to risk it then a few mths later he got the paperwork in. We have hurt each other but I still am so sad. We were together 19yrs and I never really thought we would not be. I thought the sol's would finish and we could go back to basics, he agreed, we were supposed to be getting back together. We rowed loads over sol's and now I find he has been dating someone for a bit and has no intention of ever coming back and is now saying he never intended it. He says awful things about our marriage and I am in complete shock. And I am really pissed of as he made me promise to tell him if I ever went out with anyone whilst separated. He says he realises how unhappy I made him now he has found Fiona.

So mourning a loss, one I think I partially screwed up so didn't deserve but am now scared and lonely. What if he was the one for me and I made a mistake, ok he had faults and as I said about the relate thing he made no effort, but I know in the past he loved me so much, what if I never find that again and he was the one I was supposed to be with. Sorry to waffle but just so sad:-(

Hi Sad

Welcome to Wiki, its a great place to rant, moan and share experiences.

Sorry to hear your story, and that you are feeling low and lonely and scared.

You describe a lot of the feelings I felt when my stbx left me, he also threw all the blame my way and said some awful and unfogiveable things about our marriage. (Usually a guilt or defence thing)

You sound in shock, which is a numb and painful place to be. It will help to talk things through and to also take your mind off your emotions for a while and maybe try chat, or blogging how you feel - it does help.

There are some great people here who can offer you advice, a virtual shoulder, hug or lighter moment.

take care

Hi Sadbird
sorry to hear your story. Some of the emotions you are going through i feel the same. My ex left my in june and only 2 wks later he moved his new girlfriend in - his ex from 26yrs earlier. He said he was leaving in feb, we talked, I thought things were better and then in mar he said he was leaving.this time I didn't try to stop him as I'd told him how I felt about him leaving only a month before. What I didn't realise was there was someone waiting in the wings and their relationship moved further on. I too have blamed myself, if only I'd told him how if felt etc. We'd been together over 24yrs since I was just 17. I feel my whole future has been taken away from me but it hasn't.
If only we could turn back the clock, wouldn't we all want to do things differently. But there are always two sides and there was a reason you were unhappy so don't blame yourself,you were even prepared to go to relate.
take one day at time and spoil yourself a little. thats the best advise i've been given.

Hello Sadbird.
All is not lost
For a start you have come to a place that will give you practical valuable information and also some emotional support if required.
It is a very difficult thing to "let go" of
a long term relationship, regardless of circumstances. We seem to get so familiar with our spouses even if things in the relationship are not what we would want.
In my situation it's a definite end but a little bird eats away at you as to what the right thing to do is.
There will be a point when you have to decide.
But only you can decide that moment.
Please don't believe that you will never find happiness again that is a falsehood generated
by the situation you are in.
Do you have any friends to confide in ? If not
there is a chat room here with like minded individuals who are if not in the same boat...have been.
You will get through this I assure you.

Regards and a hug from me.

Ruddy Divorce (

The future (

Hal

And when i say about he wanted me to tell him if I met anyone/dated he obviously didn't abide by the same rules, and all this whilst i am sat at home waiting for him to sort himslf out and come home to us.

Met you tonight in the chat room, hope things start to work out for you.

keep your chin up and im sure you will find happiness eventually


Ck