Taking the plunge!

Hi,

Just wanted to briefly say hi and outline my story!

So hello

I am 30 years old and have been married now for 8 years (been with him 11) with 2 children aged 15 and 9, I have a mortgage and work full time in the police force.

Me and my husband have not been 'right' for some time now, in fact for around 3.5 years, just before we moved to the south west.

We do not have any intimate relations anymore, there is no affection and this has been getting progressively worse, from the start I have always had to initiate anything physical, which should have rang alarm bells straight away!

Anyway..........I have been asking him now for about 2 years that we need to sort it out, his solution is to bury his head in the sand and carry on as though nothing is happening.

I do everything in our so called "relationship" such as pay the bills, watch the money (because he will just not pay anything), cleaning, sort the children etc! all he has to do is go to work and come home.

I found out that at the begining of July that he has also been back in contact with his ex who has a child by him also, he has not seen her since the age of 2 and she is now 13, I found that he had been talking with her everynight on the computer and when confronted he said that she had sent photos of his daughter (to which I responded, what you feel the need to speak every night? that is a lot of photos!!!) I then took myself and the kids back to London for a week and returned yesterday.

Since my return he has barely said two words apart from to tell me "Guess who is on holiday down here for a week....yep my ex and kid!" to which I said I did not mind the little one turning up but if she is at my door god help him! he then said it did not matter as he was going to see the pair of them in September up North....I was pretty pi$$ed off after that and told him there and then last night that it was over.

The thing is I have not a clue where to start! how am I going to pay the mortgage etc etc!! he is still here but I am having the talk tonight!

I have booked solicitors for Tuesday and was alsogoing to get an appt with CAB, is there anything else I need to be doing?

Thanks for listening

xx

Hi Lemonjelli
There are so many people on this site that will be able to advise you. All I can say is that I am so sorry it is horrible. You will get good help and information from this site. It might just be that everyone is out on Saturday. Just take a deep breath and a step back before you do anything as you will have so many people helping you from here. It is never never easy. But from what I have read over the last week, the advice is sound. Try to be calm.
My thoughts are with you and if you every need a chat this is the place to be. Just hold on before you do anything until you have a chat with someone who can help. If you just need a bit of support, I will be here.
I know they will be monitoring your plea for help
X

Thanks Zara

Well today he left, we spoke last night for about 2 hours and today my mother has spoken at length to both me and him seperately which was a godsend!

He still wants everything to be normal for the kids, he is still having them whilst I work or go out and is also going to carry on contributing to the mortgage for now until this credit crunch starts to clear and we can look at selling etc, he told my mother that he also wants to eventually be good friends again and be able to laugh with each other like we used to!

I am so numb, even though it was my decision to split! I keep feeling waves of "if we just get back together and carry on it won't need to hurt this much" but I know that is not practical and it will just prolong the agony.

He is shell shocked, hurt and his whole world has just fallen apart, I feel absolutely awful

lemon.it seems to me that you made a decision on the spur of the moment.have you considered relate ,councelling etc.I will definitely hold back on the solicitors ,it is far to early .You might live to regrett it.
You should take sometime off sort your emotion out .then if you still feel that this is the only way out ,go for it.It is not an easy road ,it is very lonely and painful.If you can save your marriage ,try your best.
good luck.
Do not let anger or pride get in the way