Well here I am ...

Just now I am at home alone. Have reached the final end of a protracted marriage where playing 'Pollyanna' was never going to work. I am sad, really sad as I have tried so hard for over twenty years. I have considered, thought, rationalised, am having counseling yet it is still sad. So much time and effort invested yet it's all over. I have children who give the message loud and clear that I must lead my life as I want to. The situation is of my decision. Nobody else is involved. It is still difficult and really amazingly difficult trying to proceed as lawyers seem to want to dish some dirt and then look at property/money. Whereas I cannot see why divorce needs the dirt dished at all.Certainly it would seem no way for people to reach a reasonable settement. Over is over. Just like at the beginning there is so much hope. I feel ending should be somehow private too and certainly dignified. This is tricky with a man who never has really communicated. But I do want to try to keep things decent.

So that's me. Am I being naive?

I am so sorry to hear that. You sound so down. Does he not want amicable agreement?

Hello Frankie, forgive me for not understanding "dish the dirt".do you mean writing down grounds for divorce?
examples of unreasonable behaviour? etc
Sadly sorting the finances is a necessity these days.it can be dignified if both parties agree to it.

Hi Frankee

Divorce for whatever reason is hard, and when family is involved it is even harder, but you have the understanding of yours and this is your divorce, not your lawyers, so tell them how it is. I hope for your sake things work out.


Joy xx

Hi Smetana - and thanks. I am sure he would like things to be amicable. In fact he would like things to go back to status whereby I observe and fulfil his every need and he does what he fancies. Don't know why I have taken so long to realise that such an arrangement never was a marriage. In short I know he still lives in hope and also know that he can turn very nasty when his needs aren't met.

Our relationship has not been one for a decade or more - so I feel that the effort has been unrewarded. Also I particularly dread the thought of courts as I understand he would now be considered 'old' and our children not children legally. That is, I lost out on a reasonable settelment in law by hanging on in for so long.

Really sad. But I do need to keep polite communications to try and encourage him to agree something that is air for me and children.

Hi Joy and thanks.

It's amazingly hard - so eay was it to get married! Yep having adult offspring who are supportive is lovely. They are still studying though and deserve to have whatever relationship they want with their father - also don't need details or agro! Perhaps a change of lawyer? Or just a good accountant?

Thanks Topaz. Yes understand finances need sorting - just don't understand why 'grounds' have to be leveled first. Surely most people are more rational when they haven't been publicly insulted with 'grounds for divorce' . How about agreeing money and then having the war if it's required!