Hi

Hi everyone, Im a 25 year old woman with two beautiful children, who was abandond by her husband, he origionally moved out to dexot and that was our plan together and he was ment to be comming back, alongthe way, he's gotten lost and I don't think he's comming home to us at all. Its been 9 months and I still cry myself to sleep and wake up crying.Im still sitting here at home 'waiting' for the man I am still very much in love with, while I think he's playing me for a fool. I need some support, as Im struggling with the fact that the man I trusted with my world, hopes and dreams could betray my trust in him/in us...and leave and not even talk to me anymore. Im struggling with the fact that my two childrens hearts are completly breaking too, Im struggling with the fact that I promised my life for better for worse, till death and I seem to be the only one that took that seriously and now b'c of him, My words seem to have ment nothing. I dont understand how someone could possibly do this to another human and Im in alot of pain and finding it hard to grasp. OK so theres tragic me...lol Hope to make some friends and support online here.... Thanx guys for listenening.

Hello Ivy and welcome to Wikivorce.

When we make those marriage vows, most of truly believe them.

For better for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.

Sadly 'most' is not 'all' it seems. You say that your husband left to detox? Some kind of an addiction? Alcohol, or drugs perhaps?

What kind of a person leaves his wife and children for 9 months, dangling an a very thin thread of hope?

Ivy, you and your children deserve better. You can't keep clinging on by your fingernails in the hope that he might suddenly re-appear through the door. He is a spineless, thoughtless, lowlife that is prepared to put himself and his own selfish needs before his wife and children. You and your children deserve so much more.

You have found a hell of a lot of new friends here at Wikivorce. Welcome aboard. Why not write a little more about how you got here in a blog? I t helps people to understand how you are feeling and what your circumstances are. When you are feeling down, why not pop into the chatroom and say hello. Sometimes a bit fast and furious and daft in there, but tell people that you are new and hurting and they are great.

Lots of good advice, information, help and support for you. You are not alone any more. Welcome.

Take care of YOU and your children, and be nice to yourself. It was not your fault.

Mike

Hi Ivy

I’m so sorry your hurting so much right now and seeing how your children are affected by this is very hard to take. You have come to wiki for some help and support and you will find plenty of that here. We know the pain and the emotional confusion your feeling right now and we will try to help with along the road to recovery.

I am in chat most evenings so come in and say hi.

Look after you and your children and we are here for you.

((((((Hug)))))

Jude x

Ivy,

Are you in contact with him in any way? If so, and if you are feeling strong enough, why not ask him what he plans to do?

I know that you might not like what you hear, or he might just tell you what he thinks you want to hear, but if I were in your position, the not knowing would be tearing me apart!

Do you know what you want to happen? Do you want him back, can you put this behind you etc? Think it through, work out how you can reach a conclusion, what ever it might be and then get on with moving forward.

You and your children have the right to a happy life, if that means closing the book on your hsuband so that a new chapter can open, hard as it sounds, that is what you will have to do....even if you cant contact him, you can make a decision to move on?

I hope that you find a way through this, with your heart intact

Good luck

GM

HI Ivy,

There are quite a few people on here who are either dealing with addiction or where married to people with addictions and are dealing with what that does to a relationship. I am quite sure some of them will come along and talk to you a bit more about that. All I can tell you is addictions consume relationships so whoever your husband was before it got a hold of him, you are no longer in a relationship with that person - you are in one with somebody battling a disease and from that point of view its not that he doesnt care about you or the children - his focus is elsewhere.

Hes got to come to terms with who he is and what happened in his life that the 'stuff' took over and became more important. Part of him has alot of growing up to do and unfortunately - being with a partner and parenting together is a grown up place so it sounds like hes run away right now.

I dont know how to advise you because only you know the ins and outs of it all. I dont make the points about addiction to make you think you should be feeling sorry for him but so you realise theres not a lot you can do to help him and the person you loved may have disappeared for a while. Therefore dont feel you or your kids must be unloveable or this is all your fault.

However - you are a young woman with responsibilites for parenting these lovely children and not getting much support from their father. You are probably at a stage where you just cant keep treading water and have to move forward for yours and their sakes. You have done the best thing you could do, which is to get out of the house and into here and have a chat about all that is going on and what you might want to do about it. Everyone of these situations is individual - only you can decide what to do for your circumstances, but talking and asking and ranting and crying will help you with those decisions - so do feel free to join in.

Rasher