Hello

Hello,

My wife told me she had slept with another man. It was only the once and she deeply regrets it. But I know she also has kept in touch with him through the internet, facebook etc.

We never had any children, after years trying it never happened and was the breakdown of our emotional closeness, that contributed to the afair I guess.

I never thought she could ever be so stupid, I can never see us together again, its just to many levels of broken trust and pain.

I still love her and I want her to be happy for the future, but knowing I could never go back to her I must move on. So many confusing feelings I never thought I could have at the same time.

Whats the worst thing at the moment is even though she did the adultery, I feel guilty because she is so upset with guilt of the adultery and the sadness that I have left.

So hello to all here and I hope that being here can help with all the emotional and legal questions and problems I never wished to face.

Hello Glen and welcome to Wikivorce.

Love is a cruel emotion. Ties us up in knots, makes us feel such pain, but won't allow us to simply shut off from our partner, despite what has happened between us.

I know you say that you can never see yourself being together again, and I understand how a broken trust shatters us to the core.

Have you considered going to counseling, like Relate? It does not have to be about seeking a reconciliation, but understanding where you both are emotionally, and how to move your lives forward, if seperately.

Both of you have a long road to walk, to come to terms with the breakdown of the relationship, how it happened, what impact it has had on you both.

You both still care deeply about each other, but the oft used phrase at Wikivorce is 'It takes two to tango, but if one leaves the dancefloor, what then?'

You have found a great place to be right now at Wikivorce. Lots of people here that understand the searing pain of heartache and betrayal.

I wish you well on your journey of recovery. Time is the great healer.

Mike

Glen,

I always said that if my ex were to cheat on me, we would be over,no questions asked.

I never had to test this theory, so its easy for me to say!

If you love your wife, please dont let you pride stand in the way of a potential reconciliation. At some point in the future when your are sat on your own thinking about what could have been you will hate yourself for it. There is no such thing as moral high ground really, just think about how much it will tear you up.

There is a good chance that through the process of attempting to reconcile your differences that you will discover that the affair is just one of many issues that you have to resolve, knowing about these things might well help you to accept the seperation if that is where it leads a little better, rather than pinning it just on her affair?

I hope that you can get through this with your dignity and heart intact, welcome to wiki, a place were you can talk to others who have faced the very same challenge and come through it....

Good luck

GM

Welcome to wiki Glen

I’m so sorry you find yourself here but you have found a place where you will get great support and advice to help you deal with the painful turmoil you now find yourself in.

Affairs a deeply hurtful and I know from my own experience how hard it it’s to forgive and impossible to forget but we are all different and some people do rebuild that trust and mend their relationships. If you love your wife and she loves you thats a start and working together it is possible to work things out (if that’s what you both want). Take some time to think about what you want and we wiki peps are here when you need us.

What ever happens you will get through this.
Sending you a big hug cos you will probably be needing one

(((((((((((((big hug))))))))))

Jude x

Hi Glen

About a year ago I found out about my wifes adultery. At the time I was so hurt, but we had been together for over 20 years and although I wanted to rebuild our relationship my behaviour and my inability to trust her actually drove her further away and we have since separated.

After I found out about her affair I was doing thinks like asking where she had been when she had been out and generally being too overbearing. At the time I couldn't see it but looking back now I can see how me acting like I was the one who had been wronged and making her feel guilty was not the way to behave to save the marriage.

If you do want to make things work my advice is to try not to make the same mistakes as me. Try to rise above it, show you love her and to trust her again.

If you do go through with the divorce then good luck, try not to rush things and make snap decisions. This is the right place to learn from others experiences and knowledge

All the best

Steve

Thanks everybody for the replies. Its just good to get some things in the open and discussed.

Sven I think what you experienced is my fear. I have been suspicious of her for some time, and she has accused me of being to possesive and untrusting. (Things I now think I was almost correct in as she proved me to be right).

But it was not healthy for either of us or our relationship, and if we got back together I dont think I would be able to change knowing what happened.

I think I will look around the threads in the forum.

I still need to know how quick is to quick to look for another place to stay, I ant rely on family or friends for long, nobody really has a big house and I can afford to rent somewhere. Hotels proved very expensive and felt odd.

I also need to know the legal bits, although I am seeing a solicitors on Tuesday.

But thanks all and I hope I will get through this.