My life is a cliche!

I was the last to know. When I waas told the rumours were true i hadn't even heard them. But after 21 years of mostly happy marraige within a few months of starting a trial period of seperation my 2BX moved in with his new "friend" and her family. Her teenage kids are the same ages as mine, on was even in the same class last erm. They are seen out shopping in tescos etc. I feel so replaceable. As if I was never there. I cannot look forward it is too dark but now I cannot look back either, my memories are spoilt. I feel so stupid and hurt and naive ............. and lonely.

Hi Jessie2

Really sorry you're in this awful situation. I think it's the hardest thing to deal with, the feeling that after x amount of years you are suddenly surplus to requirements, and all those years together have been wiped out so easily, or so it seems.

I felt totally humiliated and ashamed, feeling unloveable and worthless, but self pity is a very destructive thing and can do more damage than your other half has managed to inflict. Yes I think you do need a certain amount of wallowing as part of the healing process and to come to terms with things, but never forget that you will survive this, if not for yourself then for your children.

It will be a long hard road but you are a worthwhile person, someone who deserves to be happy again and you will be, never lose sight of that. Yes an awful thing has happened but you will get over this and be happy again. Talking is a major part of this process so you are half way there finding the wonderful resource that is Wiki. There are always lots of lovely people here to talk to who will be willing to just listen if you need to rant, or for advice if you need it. You are never alone.

Take care

Mad x

Hi Jessie2

As someone who has been separated for about 4 months now and in a similar situation where my STBX has recently been holiday with the 'friend' that she happened to have an affair with last year I can say that talking helped.

When I was left with the kids I felt so worthless following some of the things that my STBX said about me but by talking to people including several on here I have come to see that although I am the one that has been left behind and was feeling so hurt by what she has said and done that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

It has helped me to see that some many people have been let down by exs who have decided they want the thrill of a new relationship rather than trying to make an established one work so you are not alone.

Hang in there!

Steve

Hi Jessie,
almost identical story to mine, and so many others. I'm just 10 weeks down the line of discovering affair, and he's resigned his job to move to be with her! Quick mover?
I'm on the same roller coaster as most other folk here, and seem to have turned a corner this week, but it might all go pear shaped next week? Felt hurt, betrayed, stupid, naive etc etc, but then I thought NO. I will not feel stupid for being honest decent and trusting, I will hold my head up and stick to my principles and dignity even though my self esteem has been battered. he's the cheating liar, continued lying to our kids with tears in eyes, attempting to convince them, but didn't mangage. Despite obviously convincting himself of the lies that come out his mouth, he's the one who will eventually have to face his conscience, and the same goes for your ex. I'm thinking OK, he's made a lie out of a 24 year marriage, but you know what, I'm glad to be rid of him, I will cope on my own and I will make a success of the rest of my life, otherwise, I'm failing myself. there are no winners in such a situation, what we need to decide is that we aren't the losers?
Hope you can start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, early days, but hopefully it will start to happen soon. take care sweetheart, Hanna x

Very well said hanna!

Hi Jessie,
Sure it doesn't feel like it at the moment and will not for some time but Hanna has pretty much hit the nail on the head. In time it will be you walking with your head up high. And while you are waiting for that time there are loads of us here for you.
Take care and keep posting it oddly does seem to help.

It has helped to read your messages and see i am not the only one hurting.
Thank you, in my heart I know it will get better if I let it but somehow at the moment I just can't.