living together after deciding to divorce

Hi Cindygirl

You are sooo right, everybody here is brilliant, it has become my lifeline. Although, last night I was reading some of the jokes on wiki and several made me laugh out loud. My husband then accused me of having sex on the internet, i didn't know it was possible, must be a bit uncomfortable!!!How do you do it??
Seriously though, he is still trying to control me, such as going to the local bar where he can see the entrance to our apartment.
This morning he told me his movements for the day. I told him very calmly that what we both do now is our business. He says he is not in denial but I suspect he is even though I have told all our friends, local solicitor etc. By pure coincidence an old friend of mine is coming to Ibiza next week. I told my stbx so that if anybody saw me with him he would know all about it and his reply was "Didn't take you long did it?" This friend's daughter has recently died and he is going through a terrible time. I have to be careful as my stbx is incredibly jealous and has a terrible temper. Why can't he just let me go. Was it Sting who wrote "If you love someone set them free?"

As for taking a break my mum's 89 (going on 42) and my oldest mate is just getting through breast cancer, also I am stuck here in a foreign country. I have loads of friends here but they are "new" and my stbx does not like me talking about our situation with them. He is even jealous of this site!!!! How can anyone be jealous when they don't love you anymore?

XXXXX
Anyway, thanks guy for all your postings it means a lot to me.
It's a miserable way of life but we can all survive.

Hi Fleur, your husband can't stand it because you're not sat crying over him, you're making a life without him & gathering friends. He is trying to control you so you don't meet someone new or find you're happier without him in your life. Jealousy isn't about love, its about possessing & controlling & getting everything their own way, my stbx was really jealous of me for years before he met this other woman, maybe she is going through it now? Serves her right is all i can say for wrecking a marriage, take all the s**t i had to put up with over the years lol
So glad you find Wikki helpful & can laugh at the jokes on here.
Just keep doing what you're doing & it will all work out in the end, I hope your friend beats the cancer and you can both go out & celebrate soon!
Take care of you & mum,
Cindy

Hi Fleur

I can totally relate to your situation. I've been married twice... the 2 loneliest times of my life - and yet never suffered loneliness in the 15 years between marriages...

We also shared the house for 13 months after separation. My ex would come home and go upstairs... surface briefly for food. Perhaps watch TV in the lounge and then bed. He's gone to work before I woke in the mornings. When my dad asked, after some months, how's it going... my answer was "It's hardly different from when we were married!"

Fleur it was one of the most challenging things I've ever done, have to be honest, and I probably did it for much the same reason you're doing it - and I only discovered wiki a year later!!!!

If you think it's right for you, then continue with it. Don't look for reasons for his behaviour... don't persue contact and explanation. Cultivate your own life and relationships... be out with real people as often as you can and chat to us when you have to be home. You'll survive it honey.

Was lovely to chat to you

Shez x

Hi Shezi,

Many thanks for sharing your story with me. How awful it must have been for you. It is very similar to my situation, things have improved, we are coolly polite to each other and have managed to talk about finance etc. He even helped me with the cleaning yesterday!!

You are so right when you say I shouldn't look for reasons for his behavior. I know I was the one who instigated the separation but he just acts so cool towards me as if he has already moved on in his life. That hurts a lot but don't know why.

Yesterday I had an overriding feeling of wanting to give him a big cuddle,which shocked me. Sometimes, I think I am going mad.

But I have to stay until things are finalised, so must get on with it as best I can. Thanks again for your comforting words, so many wise people on WIKI.

XXX FleurXXX