living together after deciding to divorce

Hi I'm new to the site. I have been with my partner for 12 years, married for 11 and this week we have finally decided to end our marriage. At the moment we are living in Ibiza but I go back to the UK often.

Our property is in joint names and I think it would be wise for me to stay until it is sold although it might take a long time.
Has anybody else been in a similar situation and how did you handle it? At the moment my husband has "gone to his cave". He comes in from work, has a shower, a sleep and then goes to a nearby bar, only coming come when I am in bed.

He is out of the house early in the morning often before I am up. I would have liked the end of the marriage to have been civilized and calm. Is this the way men deal with things or is he trying to punish me for ending the marriage?

Incidentally, he has always thought that he has done nothing wrong and that there is nothing wrong with him.

I would welcome advice.

I am also still living in the same house withs2bx whilst finishing doing it up ready to sell. Heaven alone knows how long that will take! I have no advice as I am envious that your husband is out all the time. I love it when mine isn't here like now. As he works from home, I am having to be nice most of the time and I find it very stressful. It is a horrible way to end a marriage, but most ways are judging by everyone elses circumstances. How do I handle it? Not very well I think. Read a lot, watch telly, cry a bit! I think that you are right about staying in the house. Good luck.

Hi Gwendolyn,

Thanks for your reply. Your situation must be horrible having to be nice and your stbx at home all day. Have you got kids to keep you company? I have realized I am lucky that he stays out of the way. When I am expecting him home I go to the beach for 2 or 3 hours. Am dreading the winter. It is better to be on your own and I have been so lonely in this marriage anyway that loneliness is not an issue now.However, I am always concerned that he will have too much to drink at night and come home aggressive. He turns dodgy on drink. So, I have to stay as calm as possible when I do see him.

Hi Fleur

"Women marry because they're lonely, they divorce for the same reason." I saw this somewhere, can't remember where.

I am still living in the same house as my husband, but luckily he works abroad on three month contracts, unforutnately this also means that between contracts he's home for three months, boo!

We've got two dogs so when he is home they have LOTS of walkies. Keeping out of their way is the only way to go. I really want to keep things as amicable as possible so I'm trying to have as little contact as possible.

Good luck and take care

Mad x

3 women, 3 different crap circumstances. Great quote! Keep smiling. xxxx

Hi Mad,
Great quote, I met a friend today who had the same experience during her first marriage. She turned and looked at her husband and thought "God I'm so lonely" even though he was in the next chair. Thing is I never feel lonely on my own, I quite enjoy my own company.
Thanks Gwendolyn and Mad. We will survive.

Hi Fleur, sorry you're going through this. I too lived with my hubby after we decided to split over 3 years ago, i moved into the spare room & we barely spoke a word each day. We ate together at teatime but that was it for some months. Eventually i could take no nore & rented a small house, moved in & got myself busy with decorating & friends etc. Within weeks he was begging me to give it another try, and i did, wish i hadnt now, but at least i didnt move back in with him!
Is there anyone you could stay with when you need a break? Family/friends?
Keep posting, everyones great here,
Cindygirl