Can't seem to break away... :-(

Hi All,

I have been with my partned for 10 years now (married for the past couple of years, most of which have been fairly unhappy for me and living in fear of an abusive partner.
Since being with my wife I have had thoughts of suicide and this is totally unlike me. I generally have such a positive outlook on life and am being brought down all the time.
I have tried to end it before but to no avail. It is on my mind all the time, and even when she says she wants to split I end up finding myself trying to convince her that we should stay together even though that is not what I want!
Anyway, sorry for the long intro, would particularly like to hear from males who have been with abusive women, but open to hear from anyone, male or female, gay or straight.
Sadman.

Can’t go into the detail, but I experienced living with somebody who did use physical violence when all else failed.

During our separation, I had to acknowledge that I allowed her to behave in the way that she did, so I was partly to blame.

When I reached this stage I didn’t want to stay with her, but I was scared about what leaving would mean for me and our children. When the thought of staying became worse than the thought of leaving, I left, she was ready for me to go by then too, both of us were miserable.

By the time I left, we were in financial ruin, emotionally I was broken, I agreed to give her everything, house, its contents, car, me take on the debt etc, just so long as I could go, its amazing what you will do to get out of such a relationship, I have a good job so I could make ends meet, and pay almost double what the CSA suggests I should, given our access arrangements.

We had tried couples therapy etc, was a waste of time, she suffered from severe depression, so she was able to rationalise her behaviour in some way, and any therapist we spoke to said whilst she was in this way, we had no chance of dealing with our relationship issues, it was her trump card, I am depressed so its not my fault etc.

I cant give you much advice, other than to look after yourself, don’t worry about what other people will think, I was too proud to really tell my friends and family what had been going on, when I asked them for help, they were there for me, I will never forget the support they have given me.

If you have reached the end of your journey together, and you have accepted that you need to move on, reach out to your friends, work out the logistics and go for it. Other than my children, I don’t regret leaving her, one little bit!

PM me if you would like to chat,

GM

Sadman -

Been there. It's been a struggle to make the decision to part ways - had to find the strength to come to terms with it, say it, mean it and then action it. It took four attempts and three years.

But it is the best thing I have ever done - the feeling of hooks in my back, the crushing sense of defeat, the weight on my shoulders - all gone. There is a long way still to go (and believe me stbx is making everything just as hard as possible) - but it is a positive step. My only regret are the kids - however - a happier parent is a better parent - still doesn't make it any easier.

Hang in there, be strong.