Don't Know What To Do Anymore

Hi
This is my first time on here I am so down and confused.
I'll try to explain and not make it too long.
About 6 weeks ago my husband told me he wanted out the marriage and didnt love me like a wife anymore. We have been married only 8 years this is my second his first and he is 10 years younger than me. I thought my life was over and tried taking pills but stopped myself when I thought of my daughter and my two grandsons.
A couple of days later I found a text on his phone from another woman and Ive never felt lower. I love him so much and was willing to try anything to save my marriage but he had made up his mind. We are still living in the same house together cause we have so many debts and he cant afford to move out but its so hard seeing him there every day.
He took a job two years ago working full time nights and I think that didnt help and it seems his job is his life now.
He carries on around the house as if nothing has happened and Im just there with my world around me falling apart.

Hello LonelyFern, big ((((((hugs)))))) to you & welcome to Wikki. You will get lots of support & advice here so keep looking ok? Its so sad when a partner finds someone new, its happened to me too 18 months ago & hit me really hard! I too felt suicidal a long time so i understand your pain & turmoil. Its not good that he has another woman & continues to live in the house, its kind of rubbing yoor nose in it. I wouldn't worry that he cant afford to move, i would ask him to leave right away. I feel you would be better on your own at this point to accept what hes doing to you.
They always carry on like nothings happened cos to them nothing really has! They think they're entitled to have the luxury of a wife plus a mistress outside the home!!
I hope you find a way to cope with this though, i dont think i could if stbx was still under my roof.
Anyway, take care & keep posting,
Cindy

Thanks Cindygirl
He is saying that it was just a kiss with her and that is what made him realise that he didnt love me anymore. So as far as I know that is over but he is so cold towards me I just cant cope with that as only 6 weeks ago he was telling me that he loved me so much. Thankyou for ur reply I was really scared about putting anything on here.

LonelyFern. don't be scared to talk or post in here, everyone is great & wants to help you through this. I hope he is telling you the truth about the other woman, mine lied to me for over a year, convinced me she meant nothing to him, that they never ever had sex & that he had dumped her to get back with me! It was all lies, he never once gave her up, just got more careful to stop me finding out. I always felt she was still in his life but couldnt prove it, he was very crafty & a dam good liar most of the time.
But lets presume your hubbys telling the truth & it was just a kiss & quick fling.
Ask him if hes willing to go to Relate to find out whats making him act this way, if he wants to save the marriage he will go with you, if he doesnt he will refuse point blank. Keep talking to him & try to find out why he wanted that fling, he might just open up to you. Good luck, keep posting, your among friends in Wikki
Cindy

Hi Lonelyfern

I hope you will find wiki as useful as I have. I wish I'd found this sort of support much earlier.

My situation has some similarities to yours. In the end it didn't matter how much I wanted to work at it, he had emotionally left me and was now "elsewhere" if under the same roof, using work among other things to cover the change in his feelings.I have come to accept that I did all I could once I realised what was up, probably rather clumsily in my despair and desperation, but it is a very long way back and he didn't have the heart for it (and had found someone else a long time before).

It is possible that he is long way further down the track than you, and that he acts as he does because for him this is not news.

Be gentle with yourself... I remember feelings coming so thick and fast I was totally overwhelmed; it takes a long time to see anything with clarity. Keep posting..there is a lot of support here and a wealth of experience from people who have been there and can give different perspectives.

fm xx

Hang in there Im was in the exact situation you are in just a few days ago.

I tried to take my life but didnt go all the way, ive tried desperatly to keep my husband to the point he has used my emotions and insecurities against me.

I have asked him to leave and now face a huge debt problem and face losing my home. I scared beyond belief and feel sick, im not eating or sleeping.

Ive just feel no feelings towards my husband now im angry about the money side and I look at him and think do I really want to stay with a man that has hurt me so much and used me emotionally.

If its not ment to be its not ment to be. I just hope you try to block the pain out, its hard take deep breaths make yourself feel good. Do more with the kids and in time things will feel better.

Like i said when he went i felt so much better and Ive found out since from his first wife that our marriages are virtually identical in breakdown so i dont feel guilty or to blame anymore.

keep your chin up babe xx:unsure:

Thank you all so much. I dont know what the outcome is going to be or maybe I do and just not ready to accept it yet. Hopefully that wont be too far away because I just cant keep feeling this way its effecting my relationship with my daughter and grandchildren as I find I cant cope with them for too long and its not there fault but because of the way I feel I just cant be the Nana they deserve.
I wish I could hate him but I cant right now I feel as if I am losing part of me and has left me so empty.
Thanks again everyone

LonelyFem xxxxx