Need advice and some support

Hi new to all of this and very stressed and confused.

My husband and I have been in a relationship for 8 1/2 years married for 3.

Recently we have separated as he had an online affair with a woman abroad who he also visited. This has been dealt with and we were working things out when he came back.

The problem is he said he loves me but doesnt love me, hes been hot and cold with emotions and sex. So I couldnt stand it anymore as I could not help him with his problems in our marriage and he was tormenting me emotionally with his rejections and his leading me on. I asked him to leave on Sunday.

Since then we have spoken very little but he has said there are no feelings between us that he is not coming back.

He is being made redundant from his job in 3 weeks time and is expecting a payout of which he intends to set himself up a new place.

We have a big mortgage 3 yrs old and a secure loan attached to the house, he is willing to keep his 2 wages going in until he is jobless but after that he doesnt seem bothered.

I have 2 children and a good job but i cant carry all of this ive been signed off work for 2 weeks as the reality of our money situation is making me physically sick.

I dont think he realises the situation as we have spoken and he is all chirpy and happy and not that concerned.

He is staying at his parents house what do you think he is upto is he gonna try and come back or stay away for good. Because once I start down the road of being independance there will be no going back for me as he has but so much on my shoulders and I have now had to tell the kids the situation.

He also was married before and his relationship was identical to ours with his ex wife even down the reasons of leaving.

desperate and alone dont know how to cope

Des:(

hi des, so sorry to hear your marriage is over, at least you had the strength to end it.
the financial side is a worry as technically unless you apply for divorce and seek ancillary relief he does not have to pay you a penny, it wont be in his best interests to do this as it will affect his credit rating but some men dont care.
i thought i had best forewarn you, he obviously doesnt care about you or the children and is on the look out with the prospect of this money coming in of finding a new partner.
stick to your guns, call the mortgate company and transferr the mortgage to an interest only one as this will save you at least £150 month, call and make an appointment to see the social services to see what benefits you will be entitled to, you might be surprised.
inform the council tax that you want the 25% reduction as you are the only adult living in the property.
if there is any joint bank account take out all the money there is and then inform them that you want that account frozen so he cant run any debts up in joint names as you would be liable for 1/2 of them.
i know this is so much to take in and do but please try and do these things as soon as possible it will protect you in the future.
if you have a computer with all the banking details on it print off a copy of them as well as any other savings investments assets etc. try not to give him the computer as there will be a lot of information on there that can help you later on.
the people here on wiki will help you with support, advice and how to cope with the turmoil and process going for a divorce involves, they are a lovely bunch of people.
post as many questions as you like it is better to be informed about the process and to seek help, it is also a lot cheaper than a solicitor, although you will need one of these to help you with the divorce.
when you feel upto it you can get a free half hour with one of the solicitors that is at the top of the page, they will be able to tell you what you must do next.
i hope this helps and send you kindest thoughts
dawn