hello

Hi everyone

I have been reading some of the stuff on here for a week or so, and am finally brave enough to come out and admit that my marriage has failed too. My husband and I finally sat down and talked and agreed between us both, no arguments or accusations, but both sad and deflated. It's not either of our faults, just grew apart and very sad. I hate that we cannot make it work, and we have agreed that we will try to keep things sort of normal for now for our boys (7 and 5) so we'll see how it goes.

He has already now raised the issue of what to do with our house, and I don't want to be unreasonable so would like if we can sort stuff out without paying for sols etc at this stage. We have a joint mortgage, but I do not have earnings to cover getting the mort in my name although I could just about cover the monthly outgoings if he pays me maintenance and I can claim some kind of benefit or tax credit, but as I said I don't have the income to get the mort - does anybody have any advice on this? Otherwise he has suggested that he buys me out some how, but then I am left with a lump sum which I will have to pay out in rent until it's gone and he gets the house which I would prefer the boys to stay in (with me) for continuity and stability. I have read that courts can order the ex to stay on the mort until children reach 18 etc but he would like to be released so he can buy somewhere else if he moves out, but I don't want to force him to be tied to this mort if there is any other way.

If he moves out to rented for now, does that put him in a lesser position? Ideallly we would like to live apart now but he is understandably reluctant to move out and lose out on our house and as I said I do not want to be unreasonable and ask him to move out if it would be to his disadvantage, but equally I don't want the upheaval of moving me and the boys out either. What a bloody mess.

Sorry to waffle on and go straight in to the money questions, but isn't it the sad truth that that is what it seems to come down to at the end of the day?

Thanks for listening, I hope to be in a better place for chatting soon, just sad and worried at the moment.

Hi yoyo. Sorry to hear about your situation. No matter how amicable it all is, it's still a very sad time. If I were you I'd get things in writing, and then hopefully any arrangements you come to now can be kept to without inconveniencing either of you. I'm sure someone with some more knowledge of the legalities of this will reply soon

In the meantime, welcome to wiki

hi YoYo

welcome to Wiki - I am sorry you have the need to be here, but you will find the site a great source of advice, help, support and friendship.

Im sorry I dont have the time just now to write a comprehensive reply to the questions you have asked, but will come back later when I do.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, we are all here for you to offer whatever support and help we can.

Take care

Ruby x

Hi yoyo,

You sound as if you have reached this decision in an adult and civilised way. If only every divorce could be approached in this way the world would be a happier place.

You are quite right to start thinking about the practical and financial aspect of your divorce. I do think you would be wise to consider third party advice on this. Realte can help not only with the emotional side of divorce but also the practical side and can advise you through the process.(Thanks to Mike62 for this tip)

On the wiki home page you can contact wikiforce family law international and book a free half hour telephone consultation with a qualified solicitor.

Your primary concern will obviously be for your children s welfare so ideally I would suggest you should stay in the family home if at all possible.

Hope this is of help to you.

Keep posting on WIKI it has seen many of us through the dark days. There are always lots of us in chat every day to help and support or just keep posting.

Good luck

XXX Fleur XXX

Hi Yoyo, yes it IS sad when a marriage breaks down and love is lost. I dont know the answers to your housing needs if you split but i do want to say i hope you find a solution that works for you all. You seem genuine in not wanting to hurt him and thats nice, hope you can both be friends after you finally part,
Cindy

Thank you all for your kind words and support. We really do want to keep it amicable not only for the boys but for us too - we have been together for 12 years and still care so much, but just can't overcome all the stupid things that get in the way of having a healthy relationship and marriage - we both accept that we are both at fault and just can't get over it.

We spoke last night and have sort of come to an agreement whereby I can stay in the house and he will stay on the mortgage and retain 30% equity which will be realised in 10 years when our fixed mort finishes (before then there is a £12k penalty) so long as I can get full tax credits and I keep working I think financially I can do this. Emotionally I know it's going to be so hard - last night I realised that if I die there's no one really to make the arrangements for me - both my parents are dead and I have no siblings. I know my cousin would step in and help and I have an auntie I see a couple of times a year, but no one close who knows me and what I would want, accept hubby. He said of course he would help and it's that kind of support and love I will miss so much.

I read all these other posts from people who have been treated so badly and I feel so awful my heart goes out to you all, I am sorry if I sound like a whinger because my man is not a ba%*&^d but we just can't get on, I do feel so for all you with real awful problems so thank you all for making me welcome even though I don't have such bad probs.
T

Hi there and welcome to wiki

Am sorry you are now facing this but sounds like you will be able to sort things out between you .
Its so painful to imagine that loss of support in the future and so we begin to worry about all sorts of things that we just took for granted before .

My advice to you both would be to take things slowly , get all the information you can and try to keep communications open .

Do make sure when you are agreed on your finances etc that you get things done legally to protect you both in the future .

If you get stuck or are unsure just post here and you will get plenty of good advice and support.

good luck
shiny