Facing up to it

Hi

I'm joining since I have nowhere else to turn *sob*.
I'm 22, getting divorced after 2.5 years of marriage. I originally voiced problems in January, got Relate appointment in April where H ended up ending it all.
He got a girlfriend very soon after, and I ended up in a relationship with a mutual friend. His girlfriend got pregnant after 6 weeks, due in February.
I'm still gutted. I know he's awful for me, and I'm probably awful for him too. We had so many problems. We also have two children who I am devastated for. I used to go into their rooms when they were babies and promise them I'd never let this happen. I feel dreadful for letting them down.

I'm pretty young and don't have friends who have been through this or who understand. The boyfriend struggles with the emotional rollercoaster I am on and everyone else just seems to constantly say "It'll be ok soon". Which will be great when it is, but actually I'm hurting now and don't know what to do about it. Except drink wine, which is generally a bad idea.

So where better to come for support that a divorce forum? Oh I so hope so...!

HI Ruby

Welcome to wiki - you arent on your own, we will give as much support, advice and friendship as we can.

You havent let your babies down, you are there for them, being thier mum and doing your best - thats not letting them down, thats loving them.

Sometimes things dont work, for whatever reason, it doesnt make it your fault. You did your best, went to Relate, it was his choice to end your marriage, which must make it even harder for, I understand.

just because you are young doesnt eman you wont feel the same emotions as us oldies - this is a hell of a journey for us all, and we are here for you. you no longer need to feel alone. Why not pop into the chatroom for some company, its a good place to vent steam, find support and inane banter, you will be made very welcome.

Take Care, and keep posting

Rubes

PS - another Ruby - there are quite a few of us on here now

Hi honey,

So sorry to hear what you are going through but as Rubes said, you are not alone, everyone here has been or is going through the same heartache you are experiencing so despite different personal circumstances, your pain is understood and shared.

Above all else, know this: a happy, loving Mum is all your children need for a happy life.

Children are incredibly adaptable and you know how on Xmas day they have much more fun playing with the wrapping/box than the actual present? Well, it's the same in other areas of their lifes. Children's needs are quite basic: they only need love. And the love doesn't have to come from a father. YOU already give them that.

Look at this change in your life as a chance to make it better next time!!! There's a silver lining in divorce. It'll hurt and get worse before it gets better but in the end, you'll get there and find the positives.

Come chat to us anytime you feel you need it, whether it is be for a rant, a cry, a laugh (you are welcome to take the mickey out of him-indoors ... ) or just practical advice.

Thinking of you. Tight hug. xxxxx

Hi Ruby, welcome to Wikki. I'm sorry that you're going through this, it doesnt matter how old you are, you will still feel the same pain & disappointment over your broken marriage. I guess knowing his girlfriend is pregnant isnt helping you move on. You say you have a boyfriend too? Maybe you need to ask him to just be your friend for now, it could be too soon for you to go into anything heavy, you need to be over your ex to have a fulfilling relationship with someone new. Maybe he is the right one for you, but i still think you should keep the pace slow & steady.
You havent let the kids down at all, they still have a mum that cares & loves them & thats fine in their little world.
Keep posting here, everyone is so supportive,
Cindy