dont know what future holds

married 31 years, marriage not working for some time but was ok with things going on as they were. husband got £ signs in his eyes and has been talking about selling the house when mortgage paid off. He has been out of work for about half of married life and I have always had to support him, I have got a well paid job with a good pension. He did get a low paid job that he has been in for about a year. He said he was going to see lawyer and all he wanted was half of the house. divorce petition was nasty. Now he not only wants half of house, but pension and for me to pay costs. I feel that having had to fund him because he was too lazy to work that I am being screwed and there does not seem to be a thing I can do about it. I know a lot of laws were brought in to protect women who did not work cos they were looking after kids but it seems to have backfired on me as the higher wage earner. He seems to think that even though he wants a divorce that i should pay to keep him in the lifestyle that he has been accustomed to. I should have left him years ago but I was afraid of how he would react cos he does have mental health issues and used to make implicit threats about what would happen if I left him. Now living with my son and have support of the family but feel totally betrayed. I cant move on until divorce and settlement is finalised as I dont know what my financial position will be and how much I will have left when he has finished sqeezing every penny he can out of me. I am very angry, confused and cannot see a future.

Hello Lioness & welcome to Wikki. I'm sorry you are going through this, there will be many here that will relate to your problem & give you good advice of what steps to take. Its not fair that you should have to give him half of everything when he hasnt contributed like you have, maybe you wont have to? 31 years is a long time to be together, how can he just suddenly look at the money side of it all? I hope you have a good solicitor that can sort this out fairly.
Cindy

thanks Cindy, my lawyer has a lot of experience in family law so I hope he can help, but he has said that due to the length of the marriage the courts may go with the 50/50 option. I don't want to go through all the wrangle of arguing and telling all about his bad points. I'm not the kind of person to bitch about anyone, I just want it sorted, so I can move on. I just dont know the cost and what is going to be left of me financially and emotionally when its all done.

Hi lioness, you sound a very fair woman and your husband didnt deserve you after all you did for him. I'm pleased you got a lawyer but i hope the courts realise & take into account how much you contributed compared to him. I can understand you wanting it over so you can move on, i wish you lots of luck, keep us informed,
Cindy

lioness,

as the main breadwinner and stbx wife of a depressed alcoholic I can relate to what you are going through. How old are you both?

Like you I wish I had walked away years ago - but I did not know how to and was very scared about what might happen and how I would explain everything to the children.

The first thing to look at is what would be suitable housing for you both. Is there enough equity in the house for you each to buy a small place perhaps with a mortgage?
If the answer if yes, then you may have more chance of arguing contributions and preserving more of your pension.

Does your stbx claim any benefits and is he having any treatment???

I ask because he is likely to milk his state of health for all he is worth just like mine did. The trouble is you may end up being dragged through the courts at very great expense because he will fight for his share ... and will probably get legal aid to help him do it if he is on benefits. My legal bill ended up being nearly 30k, his legal aid bill - which has to be paid back - is 20k.

I fear you may have to look at 50:50 and a pension share ... or possibly a larger share of the equity to go to him if you want to keep the pension untouched.
.

Not fair I know but that is the price we pay for being supportive .....sadly.

Hadenoughnow