Hi All

Im Sam and a bit of a wreck at the moment. My hubby and i are discussing splitting and going our separate ways. I suppose it a no fault split or a mutual fault split depending on which way you want to look at it. We have been together for 18 years (married for 14) and we have a 16 year old son together. We have just grown apart over a number of years and both realise that we arent happy and feel that its too far down the line to backtrack and make things better. We've kept trying to sort ourselves out for years and nothing really changes.

It is something that i personally want and he says he does too although he doesnt want us to loose all our friendship and for things to become so bitter and twisted that we lose everyting which i do very much agree with. We are very good mates but we're not married to each other if that makes sense. Well we are but only on paper.

This decision has been a long time coming but now the separation process is begining i feel so empty, emotional. alone and very very selfish. Im sat here typing in floods of tears which just wont stop. Its taken me a little by surprise really as i know that its the right decision for all the right reasons and i didnt expect to feel like this. Maybe i was being unrealistic LOL but i figured that i would feel more relief than anything but i really just feel sad.

Last week i could have rambled on about everything that was wrong in our relationship and what didnt work and now all i can think about is all the happy times which are a long way back in the past but its just hurting like hell and im feeling lost.

I feel pathetic sitting here typing to a bunch of strangers at nearly 2am in the morning because im unable to sleep and feel physically sick.

We know it would not be wise to just split as we have financial issues to deal with and i need to complete my driving instructor training which i have just begun in anticipation of this decision. Its just come to the forefront earlier than i figured it would. I need to finish the training to try and enable me to generate an income whilst still maintaining flexibility to work around my son and dogs.

It would be so much easier if he had done something in particular that i could focus on and get through this with anger. I dont do emotion very well generally.

Sorry for the long introduction but thanks for giving me the opportunity to offload a little

Sam

hi welcome to wiki ((((((HUGS))))))
if you want to talk come to chat,I will see you there

Hallo

My marriage was dead on its feet and husband and I both decided separation was best all round. He decided to stay while our 16-year-old son did his GCSEs but he already had another woman, and moved in with her at the beginning of July.

I thought I was OK with this, but like you I have been surprised at how much emotion has been unleashed. I feel angry with him for just moving on to someone else (I can't imagine ever wanting to be involved with anyone ever again) and I am grieving over what could have been, as well as what was. I cry a lot and its horrible. Sometimes I think there can't be any more tears left.

So you aren't alone!

Good luck with your driving.