Hello!

Hi,

I've been married 18 years and got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech out of the blue on 16th July. My wife refuses to see a counsellor or make any attempt to save the marriage. My work takes me a way a lot and I guess we've drifted apart. We have four children ranging from 15 years to 18 months. At the weekend I came across a bit of a love letter that my wife had written on the back of a piece of junk mail. It referred to the other persons wife being special because she'd won him back twice without even knowing it and that she'd wait as long as necessary for the love of her life. My wife denies being involved with anyone else but she was involved with a married man prior to our dating and I think she may have tried rekindling that romance and been rebuffed. I actually believe her when she says no-one is involved. We have no money worries and own houses (tied up in Ltd companies) worth several hundred thousand pounds. My wife has never been a big earner and has mainly stayed home o ook after the children. Yesterday she rang me to tell me that she'd seen a solicitor and that I'd be receiving a letter very soon. I must admit to being devastated and want the marriage to continue. I'm also very worried about finances going forward as my income is likely to be quite volatile over the next few years...

Hello and welcome to the site. Good news you have come to the right place. Its far to early to say what will happen to you. Usualy I am not in love with you statement means she they have met someone else. Most people relationship hop. Seeing as you work away a lot then she has a lot of time to foster new relationships. If she has met someone else then the chances of reconciliation are slim. What also gives me this impression is she doesnt want to go to counseling. Time will tell if I am right or not.

Fairly soon you will have to decide what you want to do. If she has seen a solicitor I would wait for the letter and go and see one yrself. They will give you a better idea where you stand. A lost depends on what she wants. Some people are realy nasty and that means a costly divorce. Only you know what yr STBX is like. Sorry that you had to come here but its a good place to be. C

Hi Marshmellow,

Thanks for the welcome. I may be deluding myself but I'd be very surprised if my wife has formed another relationship. She has four children to look after including a pre-schooler, she has said some most hurtful things and told me that she she has never been unfaithful. She's just not the type - but I may be wrong. She hardly ever goes out and is always taking the children to dance classes or other places. This happened 5 days before her 40th birthday and I think that that's connected. I have been "pursuing" her to stay within the marriage and she says that she's been "controlled for many years and now wants to be free again". She says the reason she doesn't want counselling is that it took a long time to make the decisio and now there's no going back..Am I deluding myself? All our friends and families are completely shocked.