A weird situation to be in...

Hello all,

I've never used this sort of forum before, hopefully just typing this helps me - Here goes...

Family situation in summary is married 16 years, 4 kids and now both in our late 30's. One of my kids has been quite ill lately and thats put quite a strain on thigs at home. Generally though I thought things were ok.

A couple of weeks ago my wife told me that she had been out and met an old boyfriend from years ago that she has strong feelings for. She was honest with me that things in the bedroom dept havent been brilliant lately. She doesnt know whether she wants to stay with me or leave.

All I want her to do is be happy. I love her so much I cant stand the thought of her living a lie with me. She's going out with him on Friday to try and work out how she feels. Its all above board, she's being honest with me and I'm staying very calm and sensible. No screaming and shouting.

Speaking to a close friend he said I was mad and he would have thrown her out. What do you guys think? Am I mad, in denial and has anyone else ever had this situation.

Thanks

worriedperson

Hi worried - welcome

Your feelings are yours and yours alone. Noone can tell you how to or what you should be feeling.

However, you may be in shock. Trust your gut - do the right thing and take each day as it comes. You probably can't do anything to stop this so you may have to see what unfolds.

People on here have felt every emotion under the rainbow - all of them valid, reasonable, unreasonable, happy,sad. Whatever you are feeling you will find someone to relate to here.

Take care

SadEyes

I agree with Sad eyes. All feelings are valid. Your wife is being honest which is a good thing. Lots of people here have been tortured by partners who didn't have the guts to be honest. That doesn't mean this isn't terrible for you though... If you feel your boundaries are being pushed too far then do what your instincts tell you. Only you know how you feel and if living with her is too hard ask her to leave for a while she sorts her feelings out.

Whatever happens the support is here for you. xx

Hi all - An update

I am on top of the world today

My wife went out last night with her old boyfriend. They spoke and she came back and we spoke. Stayed up all night in fact.
She cant hide the fact that she has strong feelings for him and I cant ask her to live a lie. The attraction is physical and not emotional. I've been worried sick that she will leave me. She has asked me if she can continue to see him occasionally and I'm 100% ok with that. After 16 years of marriage I accept that she needs a change in her life.
We've both woken up today feeling so happy with the situation. Its a new day and this will be my last post here.
Best wishes everyone

Hi worriedperson,

I think the title of the thread says it for me.

I read your post earlier and having been thinking how to answer it. It is difficult. But...looking at it from my point of view, I would be less than happy if my husband felt exilerated at seeing and going out with his ex/wife/ex girlfriend. I do not think emotionally I would be able to accept it. If he was happy with me, then why should he want to go out/meet an ex. I know that some relationships can handle the three sided aspect, but they have to be extremely strong to do this.

I am not a jealous person, by any means, but to me it is a betrayal of emotion. Would not even for one minute be able to contemplate the physical side happening.

It just seems to me that you are going to accept being the third party in this relationship so that she does not leave you. What is to say that after a few visits with this ex she might decide to do that anyway? Or will you turn a blind eye?

It is like emotional blackmail, let me see him or I leave. But if you are happy with that and you feel you can cope with everything that will follow, that is ok.

Have you tried relate or any such counselling together?

I wish you all the luck, but be careful only time will tell how you REALLY feel about this.

zara

Ok I'm confused... she's going to occasionally have a physical relationship with another man, or just friends... either way ARE YOU MAD??? sorry to be blunt, but respect yourself enough to say no to this arrangement. We all want a change now and again, but we dont go to these extremes. Why doesnt she go the whole hog and invite the bloke to come live with you? I hate to see people taken for mugs, please dont be one, put your foot down.

!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God.Talk about having your cake and eating it