Feeling alone with the final hearing bearing down

I reckon, when all is said and done, we grew apart. What seems sad is that I don't think it was irredeemable until relatively late in the process. I don't think she really needed to move all that far - I know that sounds pig-headed; I'll just have to ask you to accept that I'm not, & that I have done a lot of moving and accomodation along the way. Somehow she didn't seem to be able to accept that I would need my own space and that her way of doing things wasn't the only way. My forum posting was - as everyone's must be - a very abbreviated story, and there are other surreal things before and since which challenges how much grip she has on reality at present.

Hi there

Just wanted to say hello , have read ( most of) this thread , you certainly dont have communication problems in writing do you!!
It certainly helps to post on here and get some feedback from other people , keep on posting

good luck to you

shiny

Thanks. I reckon I'll do just as you say. At least it'll save one or two people from hearing my one dimensional thoughts at present. Right now, though, I think I'll go out for a run.

running is good. hard physical excerise drives put the dementors for me!

i cycle and go to the gym. never really done so before but more physically fit than i have ever been. and i do have my wife to thank for this!

22 years and 4 children later is a hard time to decide to go. especially if the kids are still in education, albeit three at uni, 3rd one going today! big mid life crisis, empty nest and all sorts of things.

marriages are funny things requiring a lot of compromise between 2 people and so easy to develop dysfunctionality. I don't want to go to the courts and am so grateful for your vivid and devastating picture of a very hard thing.

fortunatley for me i have stayed in the home. hard for her but she left. to be with her new man, who thinks he is saving my wife from a life of misery. is that why 6 months later she is miserable?

what did the boys think and how will they deal with it in the future? they seem to be coping very well at the moment and in the end we are both still here, and here for them. mums gone AWOL. but she is around, in town, thats good but hard for both of us, and 6 months on beginning to get some patterns and rules to help make things a bit more level.

im not sure why such a breakdown has happened for us but i suppose it is a lack of communication, for us men sometimes not easy, although a crisis does bring out verbosity! medic as well and the job takes a huge emotional and physical toll on a daily basis, and not always understood by our partners. i suppose most of us are a bit aspergery, just because we have to be obsessive, precise and have spent many hours in books, getting there. same for many lines of work.

it is not always easy to accept that we might have been at the receiving end of bullying or dysfunctional thought/behaviour, natural reaction is to continue to provide, feel that one has to take on all burdens and can only blame oneself. but we are in a partnership, takes 2 to tango, and must not always blame oneself.

sounds like your kids have begun to see a more rounded picture and that can only be good for both of you and them.

believe in yourself, my friends have shown me that.

don't always believe what your nearest and dearsest wife tells you, because we have always had to and have always (?usually?) taken it seriously. but things are different now and she is coming from a completely different direction. Dangerous!

have even met up with an old (she'll kill me!) but very young at heart girlfriend from med school, also 4 kids, how wonderful life is. just have to see it again. and you will as well. money is nothing especially if are able to carry on earning.

hi wee,
welcome to wiki
you are right ,somewhere along the line we lose our focus.
reeading the final hearing has csared me too even though I have nothing to hide ,think that is why I am up early.This has been playing on my mind.
Life willbe much easier if both sides could compromise but not always possible.
all the best with your new life