Hi this is me

THEN: Things really kicked off when my dad took ill and died suddenly 3 years ago. I felt pressure to start a new job immediately but never settled (unsurprisingly); around the time I left this job, I noticed stbx was looking upset and almost depressed. He said he felt unhappy but didn't know why but he did know he didn't want to end up lonely and miserable like my dad. Charming. I worried about the stbx for months as well as caring for our toddler son. In addition to teacher training and working.

Ultimately, the decision to end our 5 year marriage was taken out of my hands - I caught stbx cheating on me (via MSN messenger!!) and that was AFTER we started going to Relate for marriage counselling.

I tried to forgive him and wanted to give us another go but he carried on seeing the other woman and ended up leaving me and our son 3 months after the discovery. We've now been separated for over two years, conveniently for him as he did not want me to cite adultery or unreasonable behaviour on the divorve papers.

NOW: Stbx is still with this woman. Incidentally, she is a younger version of me: I'm 35, Chinese and a graduate (I was a student when we first met) However, I have since met a wonderful caring man who is the opposite of stbx and gets on well with my son. Stbx has filed for divorce on grounds of 2 years separation and claims the legal fees will amount to £3000. Hmmm, funny that, as I'm not contesting anything and we've agreed on access to our son.

Well, that's a potted history of me, I'm in the early stages as stbx filed the petition only last month. I sense fun and games on the way...our son has just started school, I commented that stbx had great timing and this was the response: "What difference does it matter when the divroce it started coz of going to school, you only had to sign a sheet of paper. It is how it started and how it ends. Excluding Alex It is an entire chapter of my life, I wish I could erase." Btw, he is meant to be an IT manager. What an idiot.

Hallo and welcome to the site.

Your experience is far from uncommon.

My husband was a miserable, snappy git last year. In March I raised the subject of separation and was relieved when he agreed, but also we decided jointly to wait until elder son had finished his GCSEs.

Husband was quite civil after this and had lots of talks with me about how we could remain friendly and how we could still see our mutual friends/family together.

Then in May (2 months after I mentioned divorce) he finally admitted he had another woman, which I'd suspected. So he'd been seeing her while waffling on about me and him seeing our families together.

July he moved in with her and her children or "our children" as he let slip one day. He's been driving me mad coming round and telling me in front of our youngest son how he and she and her kids have been doing various fun things. He seems quite surprised that both our sons don't make any effort to see him!

I am wondering why he has turned into this crass twerp, as he can't possibly have been like this when I married him.

Hi Polly & welcome to Wikki, i guess what you're going through has happened to many but congrats on meeting someone new that treats your son better than he did!
I'm sure you are strong enough to ensure this doesnt interfere with your son starting school, you sound stronger than many of us here!
Its sad you had to go through all of that with stbx, affairs are so soul-destroying, but you've come out the other end & i pat you on the back for that!!!
Hope he misses you & realises what hes lost very soon,
Cindy